Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine’s Day: before and after marriage

I have not finished eating all my love letters, pineapple tarts, kuehs and other Chinese New Year goodies. But I’m already running into posters in the malls screaming Valentine’s Day dinner specials.

Valentine’s Day is coming. Now, what?

I checked my husband’s schedule and realised he has scheduled a workshop that day. After that he flies to Malaysia for another work-filled Sunday morning. Are we celebrating this day after all?

“Aiyah! I thought at first we can celebrate at night after my workshop. The Sunday class wasn’t scheduled initially,” he explained when I asked why he would be planning for a class on Valentine’s Day itself.

When the Sunday class became a reality, he didn’t reject that. After all, it’s work, and that is important, right? Who cares about celebrating old Valentine who is nothing but crass commercialism?

But really, I’d have liked to spend time with him on that day.

Valentine used to be a day of special meaning now is now just “one of the days” when we give ourselves a good excuse to indulge. Was it marriage that changed me, or was I just getting immune to the lovey-doveys and romance, albeit with a hefty price tag?

When I was single, I remembered the girls in the office would wait expectantly to see if they received any flowers come February 14. In Hong Kong where I once worked, I was told there was an unspoken competition to see which girl’s desk has the most number of bouquets. This was an indication of the girl’s popularity and of course, looks.

I didn’t have flowers on my desk, but gave myself the excuse that I was a new-comer and few people knew me. Give me another year, and my desk would be overflowing with roses!

In my single days and very much available, I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day regularly. There would be Valentines when I was stuck at home with nothing to do, and there would be other years when I was swamped with gifts and invitations. Being swamped wasn’t good, either, as I felt stressed out, having to decide who to reject and who to go out with. But frankly, the feeling of having the special attention made up for the stress. It was a nice and warm feeling and a memory to cherish.

Then I got to know Stuart. Our first Valentine’s Day was also a last-mi9nute affair; yes, he was having class again on that day. But I got a gift from him!

As I looked on the participants in the class, I couldn’t help but wonder whether all of them were single and date-less? Or they just don’t fuss about this day and were more than glad to exchange the celebration for 8 hours of learning and self-improvement. 

When we got married, Stuart did some research and booked a restaurant at Siglap for our first Valentine’s Day. And we named each other the “World’s Most Wonderful Valentine”! Here’re the certificates to prove it:

And that’s it! Nothing fanciful, and no big surprises in store, but I was still happy to have spent that few hours with him over a candlelit dinner.

Now, into our 2nd year of marriage, my thoughts on this Valentine were even more prosaic than before. Not because I’m no longer into romance and passion, but I’ve learnt to appreciate the occasions when we have breakfast together, watching a DVD movie at home and just having some silly conversations while strolling home. And those didn’t come only once a year. They come randomly, and I’m grateful for each and every one of these moments.

So, when I knew he would be working this Saturday, I didn’t kick a big fuss, nor did I sulk. I merely said: “Okay.”

In the end, we decided to have our celebration on Friday, the eve of Valentine’s Day. Everything’s all right with the world—I’m happy!