The Army Husband’s Guide 2 – Missing You

Your wife misses you when you’re not around. Take this to be the default situation.

So, what can she do when she’s missing you?

She can mop around the house feeling miserable about herself, and questioning again for the thousandth time why did she marry a soldier?

Or, she can stroll around the house feeling your presence at every nook and cranny, thereby filling up her love tank even as you aren’t physically there.

I’ll bet you want her to feel loved, rather than frustrated. The challenge lies in – how can you achieve this when you’re not around most of the time?

Maybe the following tips might help you to tackle this easier.

1. Leave your footprints everywhere. You can do this by sticking post-it notes everywhere in the house. In the kitchen. On the mirror. In her wallet. Inside the pocket of her jacket. In the pantry. Behind the TV. On the toilet bowl. On her toothbrush. In the microwave oven.

2. Start a project with her. It can be a jigsaw puzzle, or collecting growing a potted plant. Something for her to continue working on when you’re on deployment. As it is a project that both of you started together, it’s a good source of energy for her when she’s missing you. It’s as if you’re there with her doing it, even though you’re not. 

3. Take lots of photographs together. Nothing is more comforting than to be able to see our loved one’s face when we miss them sorely.

4. Send her flowers. You can ask someone to do it for you on your behalf periodically when you’re not around. If it’s possible, you can pre-write some cards and pass them to your friend to attach it to the flowers.

5. Set up an anchor. Find something that your wife likes and give more meaning to it. It can be a plush toy you gave her on your wedding anniversary. It can be the couch in which both of you spend time snuggling on while watching DVD at home. It can be a mug with a personalised message written by you to her. Just get an item and create wonderful memories around it. So that when your wife misses you too much, all she needs is to be near or hold this item close to her heart and release this flood of love and warmth into her.

These five methods may sound easy, but when you and your wife have been married for more than a decade, when you’re already so bogged down with your duties, you don’t see the need to do such things anymore. You’ve lost the motivation, unlike newly-wed couples.

After all, as your wife, she has to be understanding of your job, be supportive and not make any requests that will eat into your resting time.

That is true. At the same time, there is no marriage in this world that doesn’t require any work on either party to maintain it. Ask your wife if she’d be happy to receive a love gesture from you. I’ll bet her answer is yes, regardless if she’s a fifty year old mother of three, or a twenty-five year old young bride of yours.

And if making a small effort goes a big way into keeping your marriage loving and healthy, why not?