An Army Wife’s Guide 1 – Independence Days

In my previous post, I wrote about the challenges to be married to an army guy. Over the next few posts, I’ll give some tips on how to be a “good” wife so that you can have a lasting and happy marriage amidst the challenging environment of your man’s career.

This series of articles is meant for the eyes of these army wives. If you are an army personnel reading this, you may like to email her a copy or print it out and read it with her together!

To begin, the first trait that I’m going to talk about is what will make you, the army wife, a superwoman.

Independence days

Being the wife to a very busy man, I know how it is like to live mostly alone in a marriage. Understandably, an army’s wife probably carries a heavier burden on her shoulders.

When the little ones arrive, while she has more company, she too has to meet the increased demands of the family on her.

Nothing short of an independent woman can perform this role well. 

So, what if you’re not an independent person? How can you learn this crucial life-surviving skill?

I suggest to take it in stages, though I know at times, life doesn’t give us the luxury of time. Nevertheless, learning how to prioritise your time is the first step to being independent. 

Then, learn how to be organised. With these two life skills, it is more than half the battle won. There are many resources like books or courses that teach people how to be organised and efficient. 

The reason why having to do everything (or most things) ourselves appears to be very overwhelming is because we don’t know how to make the best and full use of time. 

But, when we are organised and we know how to prioritise the tasks, we are in control – the key secret to being independent. 

Recognise and acknowledge that you are someone with the ability to do a lot of things, even though you may not be aware at the current stage yet. But, place complete trust in yourself that when the time arises, you will be able to function very well.

You may be having some grave doubts about this tip. Of course, merely believing that you are capable of being independent doesn’t mean you will be overnight. However, just imagine if you don’t believe that you can be, or worse, believe that you’ll never be independent no matter how hard you learn to be. Do you think you’ll ever learn to be independent? The answer is - no. 

Beliefs programme our unconscious mind.  Hence, by installing a positive and empowering belief like “I am capable of being independent”, you are telling your subconscious mind to prepare to release your potential to be so.

Compare this to the belief “I will never be independent no matter how hard I try!” or “I just can’t!” Can you feel the immediate difference to your state of mind?

I believe that all of us can be independent, and the fact that some of us aren’t is because we lack the opportunity to be. I remember my friends and family getting very worried when they knew I would be flying to Hong Kong to work. How could I ever survive away from home, alone?

I didn’t know I could too, but I could. I survived very well in fact. Granted I had to learn many things which I didn’t have to do previously (thanks to dearest mummy!), I appreciate having the excellent chance for me to realise I can be independent, if I choose to!

Oh by the way, being independent doesn’t mean you have to do everything in the family yourself. It only means you have the capability to do it, but you need not have to be the do-it-all. Sharing responsibilities with your husband is still a must, because you are not alone in the marriage.

Being independent doesn’t mean being alone – you are not.

Watch out for the next post where I’ll talk about being understanding.