Friday, July 03, 2009

When L.O.V.E Turns Into O.B.S.E.S.S.I.O.N

Lisa’s attraction to a successful and charming man at work turns into a full-blown, uncontrolled obsession as the days pass and the harmless flirting evolves into a love affair. An affair that is sizzling, passionate and really, really hot – a relationship that would make any woman melt. Except that it’s not real. It’s all in her own mind. 

This scenario may be the plot in movie Obsessed, but in reality, there are many Lisas around. Lisa Sheridan (Ali Carter) is so obsessed with Derek Charles (Idris Elba) that she resolves to intrude into his family and take everything that belongs to him and his beautiful wife, Sharon Charles (Beyoncé Knowles).

It’s not hard to guess women like Lisa probably has a psychological problem. Researchers call it Delusional Stalking. 

Jealous that she wasn’t her boyfriend’s first love, Samantha went to great lengths snooping around to lay hands on her boyfriend’s exes’ information, including their Facebook accounts, MySpace etc. She continuously compared herself with each of these “ghosts of her boyfriend’s past”, mostly to see who is more beautiful, who has a better figure and if they are dating someone else. Her boyfriend eventually found out about this and asked her to stop.

She did, only momentarily. The straw that broke the camel’s back came when her boyfriend discovered she found out the address of an ex and went to her house.

When it comes to obsession, women may not be the fairer sex. Men who are insecure about themselves, usually over a beautiful and sexy partner, may even attempt to occupy her time using money. Sending them flowers all the time, bringing them on vacations and doing what they can to isolate their girl from the world. They want her to belong to only him, and him alone.

Men whose partners initiated a break up may find it hard to get over their past relationship and end up stalking their ex-girlfriends. Every moment of their waking time was spent on wondering which guy their ex is dating, what they are doing. Scenes of their intimacy play up surreal images in their minds, heightening up their anxiety and pushing them towards the edge of a nervous breakdown.

For some guys, they even dated people of the same names, or sharing similar characteristics and look-a-likes. 

We all know that such obsessions are unhealthy – both to the person and to the relationship. How can we deal with such obsessions then?

When you notice yourself having this urge to want to have someone wrapped around your finger, or if you are spending more time imagining a wonderful life you would be spending with a person than you do, say, talking to that person, then I’d advise you to go for counselling. 

Extreme jealousy, getting obsessed over someone, fantasising are usually signs of underlying issues like the inability to trust someone and a deep sense of insecurity. Perhaps there has been an unfaithful member in your family, or you have experienced something traumatic in your childhood like abandonment, but you wouldn’t be able to help yourself if you don’t even know what the source of the issue is.

Getting rid of anything and everything that reminds you of the person helps. What is out of sight is easier out of mind. Engage yourself with activities that bring you out of the house. Surround yourself with positive people – their energy can be the most exhilarating uplift you need.