Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Bliss of a simpler life

I just came back from Muar, a small town in Johore, about an hour’s drive up the Causeway. 

I’ve been to Muar frequently as it’s my mum’s hometown, but on this particular trip, I felt different, because of a wedding.

My cousin got married on December 27. I didn’t have a chance to speak to her earlier, but her sister told me the bride felt she was the happiest woman on Earth.

Isn’t it nice to be wrapped inside this bubble of bliss on your wedding day? Personally, I know several newly-weds, and though they felt excited and thrilled on their big day, not all were in Cloud 9.

During my cousin’s wedding, my sister and I began to snoop around to see if there were men of excellent husband material. The groom was one. It has been said that he doted on my cousin. The sparkling, ordely condition of his house speaks of his high standards of cleanliness.

Another cousin-in-law, a school vice-principal, was another one. Dutifully taking care of his children so that his wife could finally have some rest on that day, he was a man of good manners and good temper.

Talking to a few more people made me realise that good men, who are, in a sense, worthwhile husband material, seemed to be plentiful in tiny Muar! And why so? Could it be the slow and relaxed pace of life there? Could it be that things were actually much simpler?

Women turn to their husbands as the man in the house while husbands dote on their wives as men should. They are happy to raise a family and they look forward to family reunions.

I am wondering: Does one feel happy when things are simpler? Does happiness elude those who are always wanting more? Is happiness equal to contentment, being satisfied with what one already has?

I think, happiness is the state of mind where we find peace in our hearts. And peace is there when we are grateful to what we already have and who we are with.

Stripping of every other thing, when the man or woman in our lives loves us with all their heart and put our interest above theirs, then we will have so experience pure bliss in our marriages, even in Singapore where life is hectic and challenging.

At times, it’s truly essential to just go back to the basics.

This is me and my cousin who is bathed in “xingfu"ness

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Be passionate, stack your cards high

Life 101 in making a success of your passion

What’s your hobby? Collecting stamps (so passé I know!)? Playing Red Alert 3 on your computer? Watching Little Nonya and other mind-numbing soap operas? Text-messaging friends?

How about card stacking?

I saw this guy on TV several months back. He was in Hong Kong creating a replica of the Beijing Athlete Village (before the Beijing Olympics of August 2008). The materials he had weren’t Lego-style mini bricks, just playing cards.

He finished this project in 160 hours constructing the National Stadium, the National Aquatics Centre and the Beijing CCTV Tower – all landmarks of the Beijing Olympics.

AFP Photo

Have you stacked cards before? I have, when I was young. I would spend hours just to finish one whole pack of cards and beamed proudly at my creation. At that time, I merely stacked them to form a pyramid.

As this guy Bryan Berg stacked his cards before a worldwide TV audience, I watched in awe. What struck me wasn’t the fact that he was so skillful and creative with the humble cards, but the burning passion shining through his eyes.

He had turned a hobby into something very big. Did he believe that he could do it at first? I don’t know, but I’m sure he must have faced obstacles along the way. Did all his friends and family support or pooh-pooh his idea of turning this hobby into a career? Again, I don’t know, although from the many instances of how geniuses were pressed down, I suspect he too might not have many people cheering for him in the beginning.

The point here is that this modern age does hold many opportunities. No longer are we constrained by boundaries and society’s do’s and don’ts. As long as you have a creative idea, there will be a place and a time for you to showcase it. It boils down to whether you believe in yourself, and whether you have the guts to take the first step and the perseverance to see it through.

It’s about having your passion to fuel you to create something extraordinary out of something ordinary. Or at times, out of nothing.

Do we all know how to create things? Sure we do. It’s a skill that we learn by seeing others doing it, but many times we don’t believe that we could do the same thing, or even better.

There are many examples of people building a career from their hobbies. So, even if it is a hobby is meant to be no more than a way to pass time, when you have the passion for it, anything can be possible. 

Be creative, and dare to create!

By the way, for more amazing works by Bryan Berg, check out www.cardstacker.com

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

What price Love?

A few days ago while watching a TV drama, I suddenly got an inspiration from a scene of three people in a conflict situation situation. B hates A and wants to destroy him. C loves A and wants to protect him, using her life if possible.

I sat there wondering: Who will win? Will love triumph or will hate and hostility conquer all? In my opinion, love should win because the more one loves, the more one receives. On the other hand, the stronger one hates, the more “disrupted” becomes the mind and heart.

I talk about values in my relationship talks and seminars, and while nobody has ever quoted “hatred” as a value, love has been much talked about as one of the highest motivation factor that drives people toward their goals.

But there are many who want to escape from pain, the fear of failure and rejection, and the shame of being despised. These factors can become a very powerful force that propels them.

Love is the direct opposite. It gives pleasure, and it is like the carrot being dangled in front while concurrently being the fuel generating the power from behind. It gives someone the strength to persevere in times of hardship because there is a strong reason and purpose to.

I understand and I’ve witnessed how compelling our dominant values can have on us, be an escape from pain or a groping towards pleasure. However, I can’t help but be more inclined towards love as the ultimate winning solution. Why?

Have you ever hated someone in your life? Maybe not to such an extent, but enough to make you feel so angry that you cannot forgive and forget. How do you experience this anger? Like a heavy force on your chest, making it hard to breathe?

As long as you harbour anger, you will not be able to laugh as freely as you wished to, you can’t taste the real goodness of any delicacy served to you, and you can’t feel the peace in your heart. Your mind is full of darkness and gloom instead of brightness and hope. 

Even when you’ve reached your goal and proved that you are right, do you feel happy? Are you able to taste the sweetness of your victory? Or do you still feel this heaviness in your heart?

Chances are, you may tell yourself that you are happy, but really, are you?

On the other hand, if you are doing what you’re doing now for love, you’ll realise that every obstacle that you face, you know you’ll have the resources to overcome them. And when you do, you know the purpose for doing that, and when you reach your destination, your heart is not only filled with pride, it’s also filled with love, joy and very importantly, peace.

Peace. How important this is…

In that scene, person B won. But, eventually, he lost. Well, who’s the winner? Yes, the one with love in her, because she lets A realise how to face the demons in him while helping B to release the emotional baggage he has carried in his life for so long.

That’s the power of love, because it’ll always end up in a win-win solution.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Oh! That Dress!

I’m now at Jakarta as I’m typing this post. We say that learning takes place everywhere and at any time. A recent incident is testament to this.

I was at a shop selling batik clothes with an Indonesian friend. We were supposed to pick up some batik shirts for the official opening of Adam Khoo Learning Technologies Group in Indonesia. I haven’t worn a batik attire in my life, so since I was there, I couldn’t resist the temptation to look around for anything suitable. In my mind, I knew very well it would be an absolutely slim chance for me to find one that would fit me, but I browsed anyway.

Looking at my size, the shop assistant took the initiative to bring out the items that had sizes of XXS. Yes, you read that correctly. It is double X.

I saw a dress which I really liked that was on display at the shop’s entrance and I was exhilarated when it was one of the items she took out! Without time to lose, I went into the fitting room and put it on expectantly.

Alas, it was still too big for me. Maybe it was the mirror, or it was my heart brainwashing my brain, for I didn’t see the real picture at all. I’d love to blame the mirror – they must have put a “slimming mirror” there to make everyone look picture perfect in their batik! Which, in my opinion, were really fabulous.

To cut the story short, I bought the dress, thinking that it would be an impressive piece to wear for CNY. When I put it on again back at the hotel, Stuart looked at it and said: “This is way too big for you.”

“Ya I know, but the shop offers free alteration,” I said.

“But, I don’t know if they can alter so much,” he said.

Actually by now, I knew it was too big. Not wanting to admit my mistake, I attempted to defend my decision by giving lots of other “but”, “but”, “but”. Until the last “but”, I turned to him, pouted my lips and bawled: “Arrhhh, I’m soooo stuuuppiidd. I shouldn’t have bought the dress…. Oh, my heart is so painful now. I can’t sleep tonight!!!”

Now, “I can’t sleep tonight” must be a strong trigger for Stuart, because that could mean many things, like going on and on about my wrong purchase the whole night. Afraid that he would be in that situation, he quickly made me feel better. “It’s OK, I’m sure they can alter to fit you very nicely. Never mind la, don’t think about it so much OK? Just bring it back to the shop.”

No matter what he said then was useless. Because I had to admit I had made an impulsive purchase, and it wasn’t a $10 item, it cost me $118!

I whined for the next 10 minutes or so, as I went through my mind what are the possible solutions I could think come up with. Could I bring it for a refund? No, that wouldn’t be nice as my friend knew the place pretty well and this, I feel, would negatively affect her great client reputation.

Could I sell it away to someone? Maybe, but who can I sell it to? Or do I just bring it for alteration (it’s free anyway) and hope that the finished product would fit me snugly and fittingly? Guess this looked like the best choice.

Still, I berated myself for buying the dress. Why? Because I had given in to my own whims to get a batik dress no matter what! I had forsaken my good sense of logic and succumbed to my emotions.

Eventually, I got this issue resolved when my friend kindly suggested that she would give me the refund and she could get something else from the shop, since she often goes to that boutique to get batik clothes for personal as well as company purposes. She’s an angel!

Now I’m really grateful that I manage to get my money back and return a dress that doesn’t fit me. But I know I won’t get lucky each time I get myself into a mess like this.

Have you bought stuff that you don’t really need just because you feel like it? After you’ve done that, do you reflect on what you’ve done or do you just shrug it off and say “it happens, there’s no way I can avoid it”?

Have you let your emotions rule over your logic only to regret it later? Do you find more reasons to justify for that moment of weakness or do you lock this lesson into your brain as a reminder to assess the situation clearly enough before you make a decision?

For me, I’m going to lock it in…. 

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Four Christmases

“You can’t spell families without lies,” says Brad (Vince Vaughn). Where did that come from? His dad. Now I see why he develops such values on family.

“There’s nothing wrong with taking a vacation on a vacation,” says Kate (Reese Witherspoon), and in order to do that, they need to lie to their families.

Guess what?

That’s what they did, for the past 3 Christmases. They both lied to reject their families’ invitation to celebrate this important day in the year and went holidaying themselves, in the name of doing charitable work in third-world countries like inoculating children against diseases at Burma. The point is: neither of them feels guilty for doing so. After all, their philosophy is you can’t spell families without lies, right?

Honesty triumphs ultimately. But what best way to get busted then to be on national TV? I remember how funny Brad’s poker face is when he’s caught on TV. Not once, but actually, twice. You know why that happens? Because until one has learnt his/her lesson, the same or similar incident will continue to happen in his/her life. Apparently, they haven’t learnt the virtue of being honest with their families!

OK, I like this movie.

Not because it makes me laugh in certain parts, but because it makes me think as the plot progresses to something deeper than those weird events unfolding as Brad and Kate end up visiting his father, her mother, his mother and her father on one day.

The way in which relationships have been played out truly intrigues me. What we can see on the surface usually doesn’t tell what we feel deep within us, until and unless it gets triggered by an event. As Brad and Kate learn about each other’s deepest darkest childhood secret, they didn’t realise that they are already embarking on a journey that is about to bring them to another level in their relationship. While Kate realises that early and is actually touched about that fact, Brad chickens out and wants things to remain unchanged.

Don’t we see couples like this so many times in real life? When two people get together, it’s usually because they have both agreed on certain conditions on how their relationships should be. But, circumstances change. So when one party decides to change the rules, they can’t blame their partners for refusing to stick with them and move ahead to a territory which they have initially agreed never to step into.

Do they get disappointed? Certainly. Do they get their hearts broken? Absolutely. But can they force their partners to be with them? Definitely no. It takes two to tango in a relationship, and that’s why connection is so important.

Connection not just with your spouse, but also with your parents and siblings and their children.  How do we get keep this connection going on, and how do we enhance the connection with each other? The only way is through constant and never-ending communication. The question then comes: What do we communicate? Haven’t we seen many cases of trouble brewing because couples thought they were communicating when in actual fact, they are critising and putting each other down then conveying their concerns and expressing their love and appreciation?

When Kate and Brad think they are the most gelled couple, the game Taboo just lays their serious lack of understanding of each other on the table, completely bare. 

There are many life lessons that one can derive from this movie. For this reason alone, I say this is a show not to be missed.

Plus, Vaughan and Witherspoon’s onscreen chemistry gives the added worth to your dollar as they not only celebrate the most number of Christmases on one day, they also celebrated the longest day in their life together.