Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Life Skills

As a NS man, you certainly need to know how to survive during times of war. Let me ask you then: in times of peace, how good are you at surviving? Do you merely scrap through, or do you score big time and achieve all the goals you set out for yourself?

Like it or not, know it or not, we all need to be equipped with certain life skills so that we’ll not only survive in the real world, we’ll be happy and successful. Of course, success is defined according to your own expectations and standards. And you know I’m not referring to those “live chicken-killing” skills. I was really appalled when my friends told me how they were taught to kill chickens by swinging them by their necks until they breathed their last. Gosh! Those were hair-standing moments.

So, what are life skills? I don’t think we can draw a boundary to what is considered as a life skill to what is not. Of course, there will be some that are absolutely essential to one’s survival like decision-making, while there are those that are very good to have but not critical, like

I found this list from the Unicef website, and I thought it sums up most of the life skills that I’m planning to talk about.

Communication and Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal communication skills
Verbal/Nonverbal communication
Active listening
Expressing feelings; giving feedback (without blaming) and receiving feedback

Negotiation/refusal skills
Negotiation and conflict management
Assertiveness skills
Refusal skills

Empathy
Ability to listen and understand another’s needs and circumstances and express that understanding

Cooperation and Teamwork
Expressing respect for others’ contributions and different styles
Assessing one’s own abilities and contributing to the group

Advocacy Skills
Influencing skills & persuasion
Networking and motivation skills

Decision-Making and Critical Thinking Skills

Decision making / problem solving skills
Information gathering skills
Evaluating future consequences of present actions for self and others
Determining alternative solutions to problems
Analysis skills regarding the influence of values and attitudes of self and others on motivation

Critical thinking skills
Analyzing peer and media influences
Analyzing attitudes, values, social norms and beliefs and factors affecting these
Identifying relevant information and information sources

Coping and Self-Management Skills

Skills for increasing internal locus of control
Self esteem/confidence building skills
Self awareness skills including awareness of rights, influences, values, attitudes, rights, strengths and weaknesses
Goal setting skills
Self evaluation / Self assessment / Self-monitoring skills

Skills for managing feelings
Anger management
Dealing with grief and anxiety
Coping skills for dealing with loss, abuse, trauma

Skills for managing stress
Time management
Positive thinking
Relaxation techniques

I know for a fact that some people grossly lack in the department of Communication and Interpersonal Skills while scoring aces for the Decision-making and Critical Thinking Skills. In the relationship course that we teach, we term them as EQ versus IQ.

To have a high EQ is extremely important, yet until now, people are putting it on the backburner. I have observed that parents are still rushing to plan their children’s schedules so that their time is maximised to boost their IQ. Sadly, relatively speaking, not much attention is paid to developing their emotional skills, like the ability to communicate effectively or to be able to empathise. 

In my opinion, there is so much more to do to develop a child’s EQ than what has been done already.

More on life skills coming up in later posts…

Watch out for this space. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

To Kill A Mosquito

I swore I would kill it the next time it passed by my line of sight. Nothing happened for the next second.

I put my legs down and raised them up at 45 degrees away from the ground, and I knew I must not move. Hence, I held my awkward position for as long as my untrained and “non-exercised” thighs could sustain me, which was for about 1 minute. I fixed my stare on my legs, and I forbade myself from even making a wink. Nothing happened either.

Frustrated, I decided to continue with my work.

Then it launched another attack.

That’s it! I’ve had enough. Since I couldn’t lure it to come out from its hiding place, I’ve decided to do what was within my own control.

I began kicking my legs furiously as I worked on my computer. My grandmother turned around, found me a funny sight to look at, and laughed.

“Your flesh is sweet,” she chuckled.

“Yeah, this mosquito is a very hungry one,” I added.

Within a span of about 15 minutes, I had collected an impressive number of bites - 9 in total. Since I couldn’t “get hold” of it, I decided to leave the place and I swore I’d smack the life out of that mosquito if I were to see it.

I really would kill it. 

I know, anyone would kill a mosquito when they see one. But, what comes as a natural thing wasn’t so for me. In the past, I wouldn’t have done that.

I didn’t dare to kill a mosquito. The thought of their blood smearing on my palms that came from their dead bodies, also stuck onto my palms was gross enough to make me do the unthinkable to many, but to me was the natural thing to do – I avoided the mosquitoes. Yes they bit me, but I “blew” them away from me.

No amount of scolding from my mother and sister would make me change my mind about killing a mosquito. In hindsight, I must have been a really stubborn girl back then, with no reasons or logic in wanting to do certain things and not wanting to do other things.

What happened over the years that gave me the courage to kill a mosquito? I really don’t know, and I didn’t know when the transformation happened. But it did.

Just like many other transformations that occurred unconsciously over the years. I’ve noticed many changes about myself that I wouldn’t have thought they would happen 10 years ago. The amazing part of these changes is I didn’t do anything to make them happen.

It wasn’t as if I was on a self-conscious journey toward change, or I had attended a course to effect that. I didn’t! Or maybe I did, and I didn’t realise it. 

I used to abhor the idea of eating alone. That stuck with me throughout my growing up days, and I was still the I’d-rather-starve-than-to-go-canteen-and-eat-alone gal when I was in NUS. What I’d do was I’d just grab a bun and go to a location (some empty tutorial rooms) where I would have the least chance of bumping into someone I knew and letting them see me eating alone. That was a very scary thought.

And when there was no choice I had to eat alone (not in school though) I somehow had this vivid imagination that the whole world was staring at this poor girl sitting at a table and eating her lunch with no companion, and they are pitying me as I was eating my bowl of fishball noodles with my head down.

Did the whole world stare at me, really?

Of course not. But I didn’t think so at that time.

Now, I enjoy sitting at a café, eating my lunch or dinner or just tea break and read a book, work on my computer or just simply, gazing on as the world passes by. I’m that comfortable with having just me as my companion.

What a world of difference this change has made.

Circumstances change a person. How is this of any importance in our lives? Plenty.

A close buddy of yours may suddenly find you a total stranger because the two of you are speaking different languages. A big change in your mindset toward something may cause the ire of your parents, who have seen you through your diaper changing days to you donning your graduate robe to your business suit.

Positive or negative, change is inevitable in our lives. How we embrace the positive changes and work on the negative ones requires not just effort, but in my opinion, some bits of wisdom too.

Which brings me to the born of this new great idea – I should write a new book.

Maybe 100 years later when I’m gone forever, it can be used as a school text book to teach our young generation about identity. I’ve already nailed down the title of the book. It is “To Kill A Mosquito”

P.S In case you aren’t aware yet, “To Kill A Mockingbird” has been my favourite book since I studied it for Literature in Secondary school. It’s a book that talks about racial prejudice and a man’s courage and determination to install change in the tight-fisted culture in where he stays. Hence, “To Kill A Mosquito” might then be an excellent title to mark my personal change haha