Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hurray To The Opposition Parties?

Have you ever raised an objection or voice your concern over certain issues that are happening in your life and to which is bringing you lots of dissatisfaction, and maybe even frustration? I’d like you to ponder over this question for a while.

When you are opposing the authorities, what is your main intention? What do you hope to achieve? Authorities here refer to anyone or any organisation that has a greater say in a particular issue than you do, like your parents, bosses, community leaders and the government.

To maintain a balanced view and to gain wider perspectives on things, we need differing views and opposing opinions. But such voices should also be kept in check so that the privilege is not being misused.

Growing up with a rebellious streak in our blood seems to be a norm during our teenage years. We want to be different, whether it is to gain attention or seek recognition. Therefore, we do all sorts of things, many times rather stupid ones, just to make a statement.

I am not against such ideas in the quest for variety and uniqueness. I am concerned if they are not done because of an individual’s thirst for innovation, but for the sake of wanting to oppose.

Imagine how chaotic a society, an organisation, a community or even a family would be if everyone oppose for the sake of opposing and not for a better resolution of a said issue and concern.

Similarly in politics, just because one is in the opposition party doesn’t mean one should attack the ruling government in any window of opportunity and do their best to pull them down. Shouldn’t the opposition parties act as good sounding boards and an excellent listening ear for the public, whom the government could have chosen to turn a deaf ear to their woes and grouses?

I hold on to this belief that unity is strength. In the grand scheme of things, some varied opinions are fine, but not if they affect the overall vision and impedes the progress for a nation.

On the same note, in the family, if everyone fights for the mere sake of wanting to fight, then it perhaps the same efforts can be put to better use.

Back to the question I posed in the beginning. Could you honestly tell yourself that in each and every case when you are fighting to have your voice heard and sentiments accepted by the others, is there really a genuine case of wanting to change things for the better? Or are you fighting only because it seems to be the “right” thing, or “in” thing to do?

Stand up for a good cause and it doesn’t matter if it isn’t being understood and accepted by others as yet, if you genuinely know that your intention and motive can only bring about a better future. Otherwise, maybe it’s good to just go with the flow rather than risk having a blind leading the blind by shouting aimlessly and without any purpose. 

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Serendipity

Serendipity. This is one word that I love a lot. Not only does it carry a beautiful sound when pronounced, it also looks pretty when spelt.

Now I’m not going into the English history on where, why and how this word came about. Rather, I’d like to talk about a movie that is named after this word.

This isn’t a new blockbuster coming out in the cinemas. It was screened in 2001, and 7 years later, my hubby and me were watching it at home, on our couch, for the first time.

This movie, starring John Cusack from Must Love Dogs and Kate Beckinsale from Pearl Harbour, plays on fate and destiny that almost went terribly wrong. Sara (Beckinsale) and Jonathan (Cusack) met magically one evening before Christmas, the season when people tend to want to fall in love without knowing why.

The unexpected and romantic encounter would count as fate’s doing, in my opinion. But not for Sara, who believed in destiny so much that she started to sow some seeds to see if they will grow and ripen to produce fruits of love. A twist of events pulled them away, as much as they would have wished otherwise.

Years later, though separately engaged and about to marry their own partners, Sara and Jonathan couldn’t give up thinking about what would happen if fate had continued to play cupid for them for the third consecutive time that same night. So they set about to put destiny to the test once again, but this time round, more efforts had to be put in through active searching and a bit of investigating on the part of Jonathan.

Will they get to meet up again? How would that feel if they do? Are they going to continue where they left, or will their minds be made up to go on with the wedding that has been planned? This set the agenda for the lead charcters in Serendipity.

Sounds romantic? I guess so. Now here comes the crunch. How do I feel about this?

What is fate, really? To me, the fact that both of them were to combine forces to get that only pair of gloves that looked like ever to be produced in the entire Universe on one evening is magical enough. And that is fate.

Whether two people can end up together is another thing. And whether they can have a lasting and loving relationship is yet another thing. It depends not on fate, but on work. On effort. On human’s action. Cupid’s arrow can only bring two people to come face to face with each other and ignite some sparks between them. But Cupid is not going to make sure the arrow will stay or for that matter, won’t go rusty from the lack of or no maintenance.

That Sara wants to put fate to the ultimate test is to me, a pure waste of time and pushing her luck too far. At the end, Jonathan had to expend so much effort to track her down based on one single receipt, not to mention having to deal with an ultra irritable sales guy. They hurt two other people who would probably wouldn’t come into their paths had Sara not started the game. So isn’t this human’s effort?

If that one night of meeting had stirred up such an avalanche of emotions that could propel them to risk giving up their engagement many years down the road, then doesn’t it already signify the importance of such a connection? Then again, they probably wouldn’t have foreseen this to be so. They have underestimated the power of love at first sight.

To conclude, as a love and relationship coach, I believe in making things happen. Chance encounters, whether they are romantic or magical or merely plain, are there to allow us to have a beginning somewhere, somehow. That is serendipity. How and whether that seed will grow to a budding plant depends on nothing but the characters involved. Action is needed.

If you meet this girl you fancy, then do not wait for destiny to bring her to your door. Go and get to know her. Start from being a friend if you want to take things slow. No matter what, a failed action is always better than a no-action. At least you get some feedback that can determine what your next course of action can be.

And in comparison, Definitely, Maybe is definitely a much better choice. Thank goodness you still are in time to catch it now! Catch my review of Definitely, Maybe in the NS Portal. (At the time of posting I can’t find the review in the site, so maybe you guys could read about it when it’s uploaded.)

Monday, April 07, 2008

What It Means To Live

Do you eat to live, or live to eat?

I’m beaming proudly to announce that I’m the latter. I LIVE TO EAT! HURRAY!

This declaration, though bold and proud, holds many dangers in itself. For one, I lead an almost sedentary lifestyle with practically no exercise at all. Many a times I swore to take up yoga and swimming, which all turned to naught in the end. But, my love for food persisted. Strangely though, I thought.

I remembered the time when I was dieting, really dieting. With the advice and guidance of a nutritionist, I dutifully jotted down every item that I ate, even a very small piece of biscuit. I memorised almost all the calories of each food that was on a list given to me. I counted all the amount of fat I took in on a daily basis and ensured that I do not exceed the 40g limit.

I reduced the portion I ate every meal, and I almost eradicated the habit of snacking, except to replace them with fruits and low fat biscuits. I rejected the scores of invitation, seduction and finally temptation of supper from my family. Mind you, the fare wasn’t easy to say no to as they consisted of most of my favourites.

My rigorous diet lasted for a pretty long time, in my opinion. I achieved my ideal weight, but I didn’t stop there. I continued the healthy diet to maintain my shape.

I probably would have been totally conscious of what I eat if not for an incident that took place while I was working in Hong Kong. That place is a food haven. You know it. So to maintain my weight is an uphill task over there. I didn’t quite make it, but I did just fine.

Each time I craved for one of the tea-time snacks, I would refrain and chose something healthier instead. But when it came time for me to leave this food haven and come back to my homeland, I decided I shall go ahead and eat this particular item – one inch toasted bread with peanut butter and carnation milk.

Before I could lay my hands on it, I freaked out. No no, don’t misunderstand me. The bread wasn’t the culprit, but those dots were. Out of the blue, I developed rashes. Very bad ones. Those little red dots very soon claimed my whole body as their territory and created havoc for me as I spent more efforts to resist scratching than I ever did the temptation to eat.

It was very much later after I came back to Singapore then I knew the cause of the outbreak. But at that time, I frantically searched for an antidote that could relieve my trauma. I was referred to a famous Chinese physician who was known to have treated cancer patients. So, mine should be an easy case.

Not so apparently. I was put on an even stricter diet where I could only eat vegetables and vegetables. Oh, rice was allowed. Anything that remotely contained an iota of protein was out according to his diagnosis. Nothing stir-fried. Only steam or boil. Gosh, if only I knew I’d be in for this I’ll eat whatever that comes to me before this ordeal.

That’s what I learnt during that episode. And that’s why I’m cutting myself more slack now when it comes to eating. Still conscious of what I eat and the fact that I’m not exercising, I do indulge in my favourite food every now and then. I’ve learnt that moderation and not abstinence is the key.

If I were to keep thinking there will be “a better time” or “the next time”, I would have let that moment pass by. It could be just a window of opportunity, and it could also be the last chance that I could ever get.

Living in the moment became part of me since then. At the same time, like I said about moderation, we need to balance out indulgence and delayed gratification for our future. This is my new meaning of “to live”. 

Friday, April 04, 2008

If Your Girlfriend Was Jolin Tsai

She catapulted from being the princess of sweetie-pie club to the queen of mandopop in the last few years. Her image revamped completely, and so has her figure, miraculously.

(photo courtesy of AsiaFinest.com)

Jolin Tsai looks picture perfect. She exudes sexy charm and confidence on screen. She sizzles with her dance moves. She looks glamorous, and that is no accident.

The amount of discipline she has and the hard work she puts in will put any woman to shame. At least she puts me to shame, especially when I am downing a cheese prata dipped in deliciously sinful curry after midnight before I head off to bed feeling extremely satisfied. The guilt sometimes hit me, but honestly, though very rarely.

Alright, let’s do an autopsy on what goes on behind the scenes that gained her the title of glamour queen in Taiwan. I’ll zoom into two areas specifically.

First, her diet. Oh, that not-for-ordinary-human-beings diet that she had self-imposed. Her fervour in making sure that not a single drip of oil will seep into her body system meant no food that is considered as heavenly for normal humans will show up on her plate. Yes, she eats boiled vegetables, a few mouthfuls of rice and more boiled vegetables.

Meat is ok sometimes, boiled. Snacks, low fat or no fat ones are allowed in between meal times. Oh, did I mention a quota that she can eat per day? She counts every bit of food that goes into her mouth, and if her limit is hit that day, no amount of cajoling or coercing will make her swallow anything more.

If you look at what she eats, your immense appetite from a growling stomach will automatically cease to exist, according to what her crew members said in a variety show when Jolin was being interviewed.

How long can a person hang on to such a strict diet that even the nutritionist finds it too harsh? A month maybe. At most a year.

Guess what? This lass had it for the last ten years, and she isn’t planning to stop. Not if gaining a milimetre of fat on her body is going to cost her the reigning status in the highly competitive pop scene she is enjoying currently.

If you had gone on a weight-losing regime before, or knew anyone who did, then you probably would know the inner turmoil one had to go through each time a danger cropped up. Like to sleep in during raining days and to skip that daily jog or swim. To say no, against your conscious and urge, to nasi lemak and eat fish slice bee hoon soup instead.

I experienced that first hand when I was on a serious project to shed off some excess kilos many years back. So I know, it is really a chore, and tonnes and tonnes of discipline.

That is why I have to raise my hat to Jolin, as much as I “disapprove” such strong rejections to cuisine that makes my knees go weak. 

Next, let’s look at the second factor for her boom.

Her dancing. Not wanting to waste any single waking moments, Jolin would be stretching her muscles while waiting for her turn to play on the mahjong table. She underwent rigorous training and practising just to wow audiences on stage. A bit of slack would be putting her reputation of the Dancing Diva at stake. No, that is too costly and dangerous. She wouldn’t allow that to happen.

Her devotion to her career can be seen glaringly. The steely character displayed is evidenced in her focus on bringing her status to the next height, and tackling a bigger challenge in her dancing prowess.

One can question if she is over-doing it? Is there a need to submit oneself to such a no-room-for-manoeuveur diet?

I can only deduce that her want to be the best and to prove to her critics that she can do it is so strong that she will do whatever it takes to get it. That is why she is so successful today.

Now I’d like to ask you – is there anything in life that you really want it badly? So bad that you will do whatever it takes to get it? With the exception of causing a third party hurt with your actions, of course.

What if your girlfriend was Jolin Tsai? What would you have learnt from her and how would you be able to influence her in your way?