Friday, May 18, 2007

Relationship Problems In NS Part 2: Interview with a Successful Couple

As promised guys, I did an interview with this couple who went through the NS days and daze, survived, celebrated three years of anniversaries with more to come.

How did they do it? Why weren’t they caught up in those times of confusion and maybe frustration? Why didn’t they succumb to the easy route of breaking up and calling it quits?

What is their secret to stay in love?

I hope I’ve got the answers for you. Let’s hear what are their secrets… from the guy himself, and the gal too.

K stands for me “Kloudiia” while A stands for the guy and G stands for his girlfriend.

K: I understand that you and your girlfriend started dating a very short while before you enrolled into the army. How does this affect your relationship, since it is still in the beginning stage?

A: It actually turned out to be an advantage since we haven’t got used to being together all the time, it doesn’t matter that much when we don’t get to see each other often.

K: What do you do when you are tired out and she wants you to spend time with her?

A: I’ll do my best to stay up and chat with her over the phone or go out with her during my off days but I’ll still get my rest if I’m really tried. It takes understanding from her.

K: How often do you guys communicate? What is your main mode of communication?

A: Usually we would send each other SMSes a few times a day and a phone call every one or two days.

K: What are the main problems or issues between you two? How do you usually resolve them?

A: It’s usually the lack of support from my part as I am always unable to help her in times of need but I do my best to make up with more SMSes and longer calls.

K: Has there been any cold war before? If yes, how long did it last?

A: I didn’t remember any significant cold war before but she did ignore me once in a while… usually for a few days at most. There were never serious incidences.

K: Were you ever worried about losing her to other guys out there? If yes, how did you deal with such emotions then? Was she affected by your emotions?

A: To be honest, that has never been an issue. It’s a combination of confidence and trust both in both parties. In fact, the more worried you are, the more likely it will happen…. The Law of Attraction maybe? Haha…

K: What was the most memorable moment in your relationship?

A: I would probably consider the first 2 weeks when we first got together (just before I enrolled into the army) the most memorable. It was a mixture of feelings that made it special.

K: What are the top 3 secrets you can share with us on how you maintain this relationship?

A: Trust, Understanding and Accommodating. 

K: What do you believe about relationship in general? What about your own?

A: Relationship for me is about living with each other and sharing whatever that is in each other lives. Some say it’s a game but I treat it like it’s a part of my life. Although that would mean that sometimes I take it for granted and that is something that everyone should refrain from doing. Be grateful about everything.

That’s the man for you. Learnt anything from him? In a relationship we know it takes two to tango, so let’s hear from the girl now her side of the story.

K: How do you fill your life when your boyfriend wasn’t around with you most of the time?

G: I commit most of my time to my family, friends, studies, play and work. When you were having problems in your life, how did you handle them? Did it matter to you that he wasn’t around?

K: When you were having problems in your life, how did you handle them? Did it matter to you that he wasn’t around?

G: Talk to friends. It does sometimes matter when my boyfriend wasn’t always around when I needed him - there’s nothing I can do about it, but there’s always such things as SMSes and phone calls.

K: Did you feel like there is any sacrifice on your part? If yes, what are the common ones?

G: Time and 2 years of youth.

K: How did you feel when you were making those sacrifices?

G: I felt noble and I have more of an upper hand. HAHA (Boyfriend pays it back after he had ORD.)

K: Was there ever a time when you really felt very lonely, or needed him? How did you feel when he couldn’t be there for you?

G: Yes. Of course, I felt lost.

K: What was the most memorable moment in your relationship?

G: The hardship and emotional turmoil we endured together through his army life.

K: What are some advices you can give to the other girls whose boyfriends are serving their NS?

G: Be understanding, if you really love him. If not, don’t waste each other’s time.

K: What do you believe about relationship in general? What about your own?

G: Relationship works mutually. Both parties to be involved in the relationship.

Of course, the usual trust, believe, commitment, communication and compromises do play important roles. Interestingly, humour adds spice and lightheartedness to the relationship as well.

I believe it always takes 2 hands to clap.

That’s right. For a relationship to work, be lasting and loving, it needs concerted effort from both parties. Larger amounts of understanding and accommodation are necessary when he is serving NS.

So ladies, if you are reading this, more gentleness from your side will make him fall in love with you deeper.

You also notice that the beliefs you have about relationship do matter a lot a as well. 

Until the next episode… Stay tuned!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Relationship Problems In NS Part 1: Reasons Why It Fail

I’ve done my research, did some thinking. And here’s what I’ve collated and gained.

Top 7 Reasons Why Relationships Fail When You Are In NS

1. No time

Time always seems to be the culprit in anything, do you agree? It’s too convenient to blame it on time as there is no line of defense. Well, the clock can’t jump on you, can it?

In this case, girlfriend will complain that boyfriend only has time to sleep and watch TV, but no time for her.

2. No energy

Guys, you can’t really blame your girlfriends can you? She’s at the age where energy knows no limits!

And she could be planning a host of activities she can do with you on your next date. Lots of fun, bantering and laughter is what she has expected.

What she didn’t expect to expect is – a yawn every two seconds plus drooping eyelids that can’t open for one more second.

3. Not there for her

Where were you when she most needed you? Like when she’s stressing over the deadline of her next assignment. When she’s having cramps due to the time of the month. When she got lost somewhere around Kallang Place for her job interview.

But when she knows that you aren’t to be blamed for not being around, (as your physical body has been “legally rented” to the government), she has to find a way to either direct that frustration of helplessness, or to find a permanent solution.

Breaking up looks promising, and tempting.

4. Where’s that voice?

She needs to talk. But, being strapped in the camp isolated from the outside world, she may find it hard for you to comprehend her excitement when she discovered a new place to hang out.

If only she knew how much fortunate she is now as compared to the girlfriends of yore, when mobile phones are non-existent and you can only send codes of love to each other through pagers.

Like: 121314, 12127412 ...

5. Insecurity

It’s not the gal! We’re talking about the man feeling insecure, as he is worried about her being wooed by other guys who have been let loose and are hunting for pretty, innocent girls. Your girlfriend seems to fit snuggly into that category.

You can’t sleep. So you make her feel the same by sending her smses asking her whereabouts every time you land your hand on your mobile phone.

She freaks out, and decides to take matter into her own hands before it gets blown out of proportion.

6. Not well-prepared

Though both of you knew about the impending date to book in, but when it becomes real, the loneliness seems too hard to bear.

She suddenly feels so lost, and really lonely.

7. Friends?

Who are the ones your girlfriend will be spending the most time with, besides her own family? Her friends!

Whatever she hears from them will either help you or harm you.

What you can do? Butter her friends up. No I’m kidding. But you can build up a good relationship with her friends as well so that, even when some misunderstandings may occur, there’s a very high chance that they’ll be backing you up and cooling your girlfriend down, while you are serving the nation. Isn’t this wonderful?

Well, you know as well as I do that there could be 101 reasons why you relationship never work out when you are serving NS. Though I’ve listed the top 7 reasons, but everyone may have a unique situation.

Let’s see what the man who successfully breezed through his relationship has got to say, in the next episode of this series as I interview him myself.

Till then…

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Relationship Problems In NS Series: Introduction

I didn’t do a formal survey to get the statistics. But, the responses to a question posed to some guys who have served their NS and to some who are still serving have given me an idea of the probability.

I think it has given me a good idea.

What am I talking about? I’m referring to the probability of a relationship surviving the NS period.

Yes, the responses, though not official, are a good indication that chances of breaking up are pretty high when the guy is serving the army full-time.

I’ve found some interesting facts from those nifty conversations, with much probing, nudging, persuading, seducing and even coercing from my side to extract bits and pieces of information from these guys, enough for me to digest, chew and regurgitate here for your benefit.

One of the facts that I’ve unearthed is it’s usually hard to keep the relationship alive when you are serving your NS, due to several factors. The fact that those who did beamed brightly at me, showing me the “V” sign only tells me that my gut instinct is right.

Am I surprised? Hardly. As it doesn’t deviate much from what it would have been 20 years ago.

And why is it so? Time, for one is a big ground for refusal to continue the courtship. Cheating seems to be prevalent during this critical period too.

So does this mean guys are going to swear to bachelorhood until they have completed NS? I doubt so. In fact, that’s almost mission impossible, as boy-girl relationship has been, is now, and will always be one of the most exciting parts of a young adult’s life.

More so when he is confined to the walls within a military camp with nothing but weapons and nobody except their buddies, and, erh, commanders or officers. Spending time with their girlfriends can be the only source of enjoyment that they can look forward to when they are booked out during weekends, or some week day nights out.

That means, there remains a problem to be solved. So, in the coming weeks, I’ll write about some of the most common reasons why break-ups happen and how you can avoid that. If you can’t, then what are the ways you can learn to handle it better so that it won’t affect you too negatively. 

And, I’m sure all of you will be very excited to know this. I’ll be interviewing a couple (I’ll see if I can find more who are willing to spill the beans) who has survived their relationship throughout the entire 2 ½ years while he was serving NS! Guess what? They are still going strong now. Envious? Well, envy thou shall not, but, be ready to hear from the horses’ mouth and learn from them thou shall!

Watch out for my next few posts, right here on this space.