Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Pre-Enlistment Blues?

Is there such a word, at all? Well, I’m not sure, but a quick Google showed some promising results! There is such a word after all!

I believe you guys have grumbled your share from the day you receive the notification to the eve of your enlistment into National Service. Some say, right all the way to the last day of their NS! Gosh! So this post is not for additional catharsis work.

Rather, having been there before, this is about the blues that your girlfriends experience the day you got called by our nation to the day you finally went in.

Wanna hear about it from the girls? Let’s shoot.

Top 10 Pre-Enlistment Blues Of A NS Man’s Girlfriend

1. She can no longer see you as and when she likes to, or need to. She now ranks below a much greater mission that is awaiting you to fulfill. And, the sad thing is, our Prime Minister doesn’t have time to entertain her emails too. Or sms…

2. She starts to imagine all the hardship you are about to endure, and uncontrollably, she begins to weep. Rather than being a sensitive new age boyfriend as you should be, you ask her to stop crying in public as you don’t want to be seen as bullying her!

3. She went on a crazy shopping spree to fill your bag up with all your favourite Ferraro Roche, panda cookies and biscuits. Only to find out you can’t bring them in, and your mom has prepared another bag with twice the amount of food. Oh, your mom added in the medication oil too. Axe brand. All of a sudden, she felt defeated…

4. She’s waiting for her chance to spend some quiet moments with you before you’re gone for three months straight. But she had to either share you with all your buddies, secondary school mates, primary school mates, JC mates, basketball/soccer teammates, family, or she won’t get to see you at all.

5. She already finds it hard to talk to you now, and her anxiety is building up when she foresees that it’ll be even harder for you to listen to her without dozing off after you sweat and toil away in the mud. Communication is mission impossible as it seems, nearly.

6. She wants you to have her photograph stuck to the door of your cabinet. Alas, she knew you would have chosen Jolin’s instead. Suddenly, she feels inferior, but nothing compared to the frustration welling up.

7. She’s worried that when your hair is all but gone, there’s nothing for her to play with. There goes the last bit of entertainment with you when your eyes are glued to the TV watching soccer on your day off, or playing computer games.

8. She’s heard of all the horror stories in camp, and she can’t bear to see you being sent to the “gallows” while she stood there watching, feeling helpless. But think as she may, she’s still hesitant to serve NS on your behalf, for fear of breaking those nicely manicured nails. The conflict is killing her.

9. She wants to cook a nice meal for you so that you will remember her fondly. But when she broke the egg for the 10th time, she began to get real frantic. Suddenly, she realized that things aren’t lost completely, as she had bought a dozen eggs. So she reached for the last two eggs standing…

10. Truly but sadly, she is counting down to the days when she will have her long-awaited new found freedom! Why is the government waiting so long to get you in?

Alright guys. Do take this with a pinch of salt. If you find it funny, drop me a note. If you don’t, take it as a feeble attempt to entertain you.

But truly, in all honesty, if you are preparing for enlistment, do take some time and pay attention to your girlfriend’s emotion. She could really be missing you so much already, while you are still lost in your own land of catching up with all your friends.

Good luck and well, all the best!

Monday, April 16, 2007

I’m Like That. So?

We are who we are. But is that it?

I’m sure you’ve been given feedback by people around you on certain traits they find in you that needs a bit of push and improvement. Actually, I’m being pretty kind here by saying feedback. I’m hesitant to use the word “criticised” though I know it will be a much better one to say that We are being criticised!

Have you heard of anything negative about you that was being said, either in front of your face or behind your back? I know I have. How did that feel? Well, it doesn’t take a genius to know that those feelings sucked!

We’re all humans. We like and hope to be praised, complimented and recognised for who we are, what we do and what we contribute to the company, to our family and friends, to the society, to the country and to the world.

So when we hear a comment about us that just doesn’t ring very nicely in our ears, we clam up. Our defensive shell automatically comes out and wraps us up, making us feel safe and secure from the attack that is coming at us.

So, in a defensive mode and tone, you respond to the person who criticised you with this “I’m like that. So?”

Now, I know the way we respond very much depends on how the person deliver his message. If he packaged it as form of feedback with a strong sense of encouragement and delivered in a positive tone, then chances of your defensive shield building up will be much lessened.

But we all know that not everyone knows how to apply the art of communication, especially in the area of giving feedback, don’t we?

So in the event that you weren’t so lucky to hear it from such a sweet person, how do you handle that criticism?

You say “I’m like that. So?”

Is there anything wrong by saying this? Technically speaking - no. But non-technically speaking, what do you think you’re missing out by responding in that manner?

If you ask me, I’ll tell you this - you’re missing out on one big opportunity to learn about yourself and most importantly, to discover more ways that will help you to become a better person!

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your reaction and response towards unfavourable situations, including unpleasant criticisms.

The next time such thing happens again, why not test out a different approach by asking yourself these questions:

Are we only capable of doing what we are doing now? Or can we learn to be more loving, more positive, more creative, more patient, better natured, calmer, happier or naughtier?

Can we strive to become smarter, wittier, more street-wise, prettier, more good-looking, fitter, slimmer or healthier?

Can we look forward to earn more money, to be a better negotiator, better trader, better investor or better business man?

Can we choose to be a better spouse, better boyfriend, better girlfriend, better partner or better lover?

I’m very sure most of you will be nodding your head while reading the above. Or you might even go further by saying “Yes” inside your head.

It’s easy to say “Yes” inside your head under the circumstance when you are feeling calm and normal. But I’m sure when you are being criticised, you will be feeling so angry, unjustified, unfair and frustrated to the extent that your veins may be threatening to burst anytime. Now, will you still say “Yes”, or will you secretly tell the person to go to hell?

I know, it’s hard to still open up and allow yourself to be exposed. 

But you know as well as I do that you don’t transform into a better person by just saying “Yes” mentally!

Can we learn, strive, look forward, choose to be better? We can. But does that mean we will? No, until and unless you take action.

Even if we learn how to be more loving, more positive or more creative by taking reading books, attending seminars or taking lessons?

No, you will only be informed.

Why can’t you change? Because it’s too painful, too uncomfortable, too much hassle, too costly or nearly impossible.

Or is it because you don’t want to change? You are resistant to change, which also means you are reluctant to be a better person?

Does change necessarily means better? Well, if the change is not ecological and beneficial, then why change?

But if the change is ecological and beneficial, then why don’t you change?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

10 Tips To Getting The Girl, When You Are Serving NS

I know, it can be hard. Especially when you finally laid eyes on this cutie pie and is feeling all excited over her and reeling in anticipation on how you can date her out, you have to report to camp by 2359 hours every Sunday night.

What a big spoilsport isn’t it! You have just begun dreaming of holding her soft tender hands walking down the long Orchard Road, sharing a cone of ice-cream after watching that oh-so-romantic movie “Music and Lyrics”.

Fret not. As a Love Coach, I have encountered several cases of NS men so anxious that the girl of their dreams will no longer be available the next time they get to book out of camp. Why not I give you 10 easy tips to get that sweet young thing, even when you are strapped in camp, physically?

10 Tips To Getting The Girl, When You Are Serving NS

1. Get her number.
Of course! What do you think you can do if you don’t even have her number? I mean mobile phone number, not hostel or home. Since you can’t wait at her lobby during weekdays, telephone is the only source of communication.

2. Be funny.
That’s right. Tickle her humour cells as much as you can. That will bring her much closer to you, even when physically you are far apart.

3. Give her a surprise delivery.
Who says you are can’t do that when the army has you all to them from Mondays to Fridays? Don’t you know there’s a resource call pre-order, or friends?

4. DIY!
DIY (Do-It-Yourself) works for girls of all ages. Especially when you are tied up for time, it makes the handicraft all the more precious. I once had a handmade card from my ex-boyfriend, which warmed my heart entirely. That warmth lasted for a long, long time. See the power of DIY?

5. Sing a song of sixpence…
MMS is so prevalent and affordable now. Why not flirt and send some funny cute faces with your heart-warming messages now? Secure your next date with her at the same time!

6. Flirt, like nobody’s business.
The best tool you can use is through SMS. Also, do not start chickening out when you date her that weekend.

7. Energise!
I know, you can be pretty lethargic when you book out on Saturday. In that case, go home and catch some forty winks, freshen up before you meet her. You want to be a bundle of joy around her, not a slumbering pig who has a bucketful load of complaints towards our nation’s army and 10 hours of sleep in credit.

8. Value added service.
Ask her if she needs any help on anything and offer it whenever you can. It shows how much you value her that you’re willing to do things for her when you could have catch up with your sleep instead.

9. Compliments.
Forget that exaggerated highly buttered-up flattery. Go for sincere, short and sweet compliments whenever you see her. 

10. If you miss her… tell her!
If she is fond of you too, then she will enjoy this sweet feeling knowing some guy out there is thinking of her, even while he is wiping his rifle and nodding away at the same time.

11. It’s not just you.
Thought I’d add in one more. Not exactly a tip, but it’s more of a word of advice for you guys. If you are worried that you are losing out in the competition for the same girl, I don’t think there is a need for excessive worry. Chances are the other guys are serving NS as well, unless the girl has already started working and you find yourself up against those men in shirts and ties. In any case, if you allow yourself to be too desperate, that girl will know, and trust me, you don’t want to look that desperate in front of her. It makes you tense as well, when what you need to be is as relaxed and comfortable as you can around her. Dating should be fun, enjoy it!