Not so prudent a pitch

Banks kicked street selling up a few notches a few years back with their credit card roadshows along Orchard Road, complete with the white-canvas tents, a couple of speakers blaring very loud music, and sales executives in polo tees trawling for customers a few metres away. It was like driving through a Malaysian toll booth - wait, that isn’t accurate - it was like going through immigrations and clearing Customs.

Back then, being a cartoon boy helped, since banks didn’t want jobless school boys (or National Servicemen, for that matter) when they don’t earn $30,000 per year.

These days, being a cartoon boy makes you a target instead. Not to banks though, they still don’t want you. Insurance companies. They have been setting up shop in MRTstations around the country, and soliciting s chool boys on their new savings plan for teenagers. Unluckily, Roy lives near one of the MRT stations held hostage by Prudential, and had to live with being pitched at every single day after school for the last 2 months.

The first few times, Roy politely declined to listen to the pitch, and managed to live with it for a while. Then some manager at Prudential must have decided that in order to meet The Quota, all sales executives must chase after prospects, even after they decline to be pitched to. That was what happened one day, and the poor lady literally stalked Roy all the way from the gantry to the exit. Not willing to reward bad behaviour, the cartoon boy adopted his most dao expression, and strolled haughtily to the escalator.

Now I’m sure that Prudential was only just mimicking the banks’ success, but didn’t have a suitable place to set up their roadshow (It is probably very expensive to book Orchard Road for 2 consecutive months). But to have a roadshow on your doorstep, and be pitched at everyday at the end of the day for 2 whole months is one of the worst things a company can do for its image.

So, did anyone encounter a similar annoyance after a long, tiring day at work? What did you do to get them off your back?

Do You Sell?

“Stardust” looked starry. But that’s not enough for me to want to watch it.

I wanted to give this movie and me a second chance. So I clicked on the link that brought me to the synopsis. I hoped to be convinced to click the button ‘’Buy now’’. Yet, after reading I still didn’t take action. Oh yes, I hit the ‘Back’ button. My business was done then, and I forgot about Stardust, until an email came.

A few short sentences sold me on the same show. Both the writers have the same goal and intention - to sell tickets. Well not really. The person who sent me the email didn’t.

So what made that stark difference? While the movie site was supposed to be the one doing the job, the viewer became the expert instead.

The marketers had the intention to sell tickets. But my friend certainly didn’t. He merely wanted to share something good to me. Therefore, while his intention wasn’t to sell, he actually sold. Contrast this to the cinema operator who wanted to sell, but actually failed.

I guess the person who sent me the email hit the right notes with me. He knew what my values are (well I suppose he knew!), and he appealed to them. Stardust is about a love story where the witch and the young man both wanted the heart of the princess. While the former wanted it for selfish reasons to retain her youth, the latter certainly did it in the name of love.

As a Love Coach and someone who is dedicated to spreading knowledge in this subject, love stories do strike a chord in my heart. The synopsis didn’t say this well enough, and I thought it was some “Lord of The Rings” mixed with “Harry Potter”.

So, do the cinema operators know their target market well? If they do, then why aren’t they saying the right words to the right people then? I’m sure Stardust has more than one selling point besides the romance part. But they didn’t touch on any of the Unique Selling Points (USP). Result – not one point was being scored from me.

I am using this as a metaphor to ask you this question:

Are you selling yourself the right way?

You may not realise the need now, but when you’re done with your national service, you sure will need the skills.

Imagine this. What will you say to sell yourself to your future employer, potential girlfriend, customers etc? How will you say it?

What are you USPs? What are the values of your target audience? It may be hard to elicit their values, especially since you don’t know them personally. But what you can do is to imagine yourself as the boss, or the interviewer. What sort of values will they have? What sort of qualities will they want to seek in the candidate to fill that particular post?

While generic strengths such as confidence and a sense of responsibility are welcomed, it is more important to think deeper into the role you are applying for. For example, a sales position will require much better communication and persuasion skills than an admin position. An accountant will need much better number analyzing skills than a teacher. I hope you get the point here.

When you have some time in camp, and not doing anything that strenuous, maybe you can give this subject some thoughts?

Now, I am still itching for “Stardust”…

Heroes of Might and Magic

Out of all the myriad genres of games out there, the turn-based strategy style is probably my favourite (although, admittedly, there are very few of this sort of games nowadays).

Sure, I do love me some RPGs (after all, the Pokemon series, I am slightly embarrassed to say, has always, and still does, rank as one of my most loved of all time), real-time strategy gems like Warcraft and Starcraft are all awesome gaming experiences, and there’s nothing I would like more to do at the end of a tiring day than to whack some balls at my foes in Virtua Tennis or just whack them in general in Street Fighter but there’s just something alluring turn-based strategy games. Or perhaps just that one turn-based strategy game.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that I have plenty of time to think through each turn completely and slowly, maybe it’s due to the fact that the action isn’t as frantic or as adrenaline-pumping (which, unlike the many first-person shooter fanatics that form the bulk of male gamers my age, I am not that fond of), maybe it’s due to the fact that playing the game requires the enhancement of my brainpower or maybe it’s just due to the fact that the game has everything a good fantasy game should have, but the Heroes of Might and Magic series dominated my personal game ranking charts since I was in lower secondary.

The premise of the several games in the series is simple. Playing as a hero (or several heroes) from a certain faction or town, the gamer then proceeds to gathering resources for building and creature construction, forming a large enough army (comprising of fantasy archetypes ranging from vampires to zombies to angels) to invade other factions and towns or to meet certain objectives like finding precious items.

While several cosmetic changes and features have been made throughout the course of the five-game series’ history, the core gameplay has remained largely the same, something which fans of the series would have no other way. Thanks to the large number of options (the later few iterations of the series each offer up almost a hundred different types of creatures and spells to play around with), a well-balanced game system (with different factions and towns having drastically different pros and cons) as well as the ability to churn out custom-made maps or to download player-made maps online, HoMM (as it’s fondly referred to by fans) always ensures that each gaming experience is unique and fresh, which has perhaps contributed significantly to its longevity.

The one thing, though, that drew me to the game like no other was the multiplayer option. While many other games nowadays offer several multiplayer options including online play as well as LAN gameplay, the unique nature of this game, being a turn-based game, offers up a hot seat option. While it might seem a small boon to some, I have several (and I do mean several) fond memories of eight-to-ten-hour marathons in secondary school where a few friends and I would just sit at my computer, taking turns to rest our butts on the “hot seat” and contemplate our move, something which continues to this day (although constraints of time usually means that we have to play the game in short bouts over several weekends as opposed to a single long session).

While the Heroes series has never achieved the international stardom of other fantasy games like Diablo and the above-mentioned Warcraft series, it has amassed a solid cult following and, upon contact with the game for a few hours, it’s not hard to see why. With the latest and final expansion set, Tribes of the East, for the fifth game having just been released a few weeks back and with the release of the complete “golden” edition of the game, now’s as good a time for any fantasy gamers, fans or not, to visit the wonder that is the Heroes series. Trust me, you won’t be disappointed. 

A Muse on Gaming

Everyone does something in their own free time. Some prefer to collect stamps. Others prefer to watch anime. But I think the majority of us prefer to game. I belong to the group that game, though I suspect the types of games I prefer to play differ from the norm.

Currently, I am exploring the IF archive (http://www.ifarchive.org) to find interactive fiction games, as well as mudding on the side. To the unintiated, interactive fiction and traditional muds are simply text-based games. Everything is in text, to interact within the gameworld one must type commands like “w” (abbreviated from west), “open door”, “get treasure” and so on.

Why am I playing these games then, when there are so many other games available, and with better graphics? Probably because I’m a retro gamer, and actually care about plotlines and fun games. Here’s some elaboration. Nowadays, due to strong market forces, games are being produced to what the consumer wants. Good graphics, decent soundtracks, lots of blood and gore, and more importantly, easy to complete with the end clearly in sight. There is no fun in a game which leaves you guessing what steps to take next, right? Wrong. This leads to games nowadays being more and more dummified. I browse the ifarchive, because once in a while, there exist adventure games in which the player must think hard to solve the puzzles and complete the game. Basically, you picture yourself in the gameworld, and you wonder what steps you would take to solve the problem. There are few traditional
adventure games like this kind in the market nowadays, because simply, the majority of players don’t like it, and there’s no replayability. Once you complete the game, you can’t play it a different way. Sure, there are different ways to find out how the player character fails by performing the wrong actions, but apart from that, what else can the player do? So it doesn’t make sense for such games to be created, as it will only be played for a short while, enjoyed (not so, if the player uses a walkthrough, bringing the difficulty level to zero), and then discarded. However, I feel that no matter how short or long the game is, playing it is definitely worth it, as it exercises your mind Furthermore, in modern adventure games, the difficulty of puzzles are much reduced to left clicking or right clicking on the correct icons. Not that fun. But in the IF archive, some of the games are rather complex, and are quite fun. Some examples of this are: Heroine’s Mantle and Lost New York.

Apart from playing interactive fiction, I also mud. There are many muds out there with the majority listed on http://www.mudconnect.com, but most of them are shallow and insipid, started by amateurs without a clue on how to run them. However, again, there are some which I frequent, and they all share the same characteristics. Simply, these are well written areas, a good background story, lots of quests, and interactivity with NPCs. Again, I’m a bit picky on quests. They have to be realistic and engaging, not the usual bring object A to person B, kill big monster C, collect 100kinds of object D type which are common on many MMORPGS out there. These kind of quests are also strangely enough present in the modern types of games, such as Titan Quest :(. Not fun. In a traditional mud, quests have opportunity to expand and be more detailed, rather than easy to complete, because of the simplicity of the medium, and they cannot easily be completed by blind guessing (or clicking, in modern adventure games).

For example, take a simple quest to kill a witch that invaded a prosperous mining village. It could be set such that the player knows of the quest by listening to the townsfolk, and then volunteering, perhaps by “tell mayor nasty witch”, and the mayor responding by asking the player to help. The player can then perhaps venture on into the witch’s castle, where he is met by golems who shoot beams of light out of their eyes, teleporting the player out. The player can choose to “dodge”, “kill golem”, but none work, the golems are fast enough to avoid him. He would have to explore the village mines, find “a shiny crystal” look at the crystal and get a hint “The crystal reflects light.”, go to the golems and try “hold crystal” / “use crystal” / “reflect light” , which ends up reflecting the light back at the golems and teleporting them to a far away place. The player ends up killing the witch’s guards and entering her throne room. There, the witch starts casting a nasty spell which turns the player into a frog temporarily. The player would have to stop the witch from casting the spell, but “kill witch” / “gag witch” / “place hand over witch’s mouth” doesn’t work, the witch has protective wards around her and bites through the gag / hand. In desperation, the player types “kiss witch”, kissing the witch. The witch stumbles the words of the spell (hard to say something when being kissed), and it backfires, turning her into a frog. The player muses that usually it’s a frog that turns into a person when kissed, not the other way round. So the player goes back to the mayor and completes the quest. In a modern game, the player probably goes right into the witch’s lair, quaffs a potion of healing every few seconds when attacking the witch. Or perhaps cycles through his action icon and inventory, clicking every item on the witch before she is subdued, which is basically trial and error and no fun at all.

Currently, I’m mudding on LegendMUD, http://legendmud.org/, as I like the detailed environment of the mud.

Sometimes though, I wonder whether Singapore will have a local mud which is as professional and well run as those overseas. Not a mud filled with Singaporean mudders, but a mud run by Singaporeans, where game issues can be discussed in a mature manner by players and game adminstrators alike. Only time will tell I suppose…

Spoilers

The latest movie just came out. You are eagerly preparing to watch it, already anticipating how much popcorn you will splurge on, while watching the engaging plot. The newspapers have also touted it as the most exciting movie in the year 2007. Just as you are getting ready to book the ticket online, your colleague/peer/friend/soon-to-be-strangled person mentions: “Oh, you’re going to watch XXX. Yeah, it’s a pretty good show. The unsung hero dies due to a snakebite, the cop lets the girl shoot her aggressors, the holocaust survivor loses his magnetic powers, one of the anthropomorphic personifications appear and SPEAKS LIKE THIS, and oh yes, the stuffed fortune telling cat in the carnival is actually a spy.”

At this point in time, after being mentally prepared to be surprised by the movie and actually being surprised by this running commentary instead, the movie will probably have lost half its effect on you, as you somehow anticipate what will happen.

These sort of people, who unintentionally or not spoil plotlines, be it from movies, anime, or books, somehow perpetuate our society, and will always (at least to me), speak up at the wrong moment. As such, I dislike them.

Strangely enough, whether in school, work, outside, army, they all appear in all sorts of forms and shapes, and delight in retelling what happened in XXX story or movie. And at these times, I’m always wondering where did I put these earplugs which I used in the previous range. Of course, half the time I’m visualizing a gagged mouth, with a boot stuffed in for good measure.

On reflection though, I’ve found a method to get these people to avoid me, by acting almost like them. You could say it’s almost giving them a taste of their own medicine. I’ve tried it out too, and the other day I went around saying the weirdest things.

Like “Oh, in the movie Superbad the cops are actually illegal immigrants in disguise. And McLoven almost escaped, but was shot and killed.” Funnily enough, they stuff their fingers in their ears, and stomp off, much to my glee

And I suppose that’s the most effective way to deal with such people. After a few times of doing that to them, they should somehow get the message, and disappear. Or at least keep their mouth shut…

*A cookie to those who get the references in the first paragraph

The Inexorable Invasion

Raise your hands if you take the purple line everyday!

Now raise them if your train passes by Dhoby Ghaut in the direction towards Harbour Front!

Keep them up if you have not been sleeping on your feet!

A friend of mine once said, “One day we will all be wearing glasses with ad-blockers in them.” How true! You are not even safe in the small bubble of space in the tunnel - somehow, the tentacles of advertisement will creep into new places. I was less surprised than I was shocked when I first saw the first television sets on buses. My initial skeptism proved correct when at 6 am in the morning, you had to be forcibly kept awake by the incessant blasting of sound from the multiple stereo cups above your head.

Then came plasma television sets on train platforms. The companies touted it as an upgrade to enable them to display the estimated time till the next train arrival. Of course, the advent of perpetually repeating advertisements drove everybody crazy. It is maddening when you are subjected to the vibes of “Bai Liu Li Bai, Hui Bu Hui Kai” (from the movie The Best Bet directed by Jack Neo) over and over again while you pace frantically up and down the platform, wishing that you had bought a universal remote controller to mute it out of your life.

Then the trailer finished its run. Perhaps the overzealous people in the advertisement agency didn’t feel as energetic as they were at the start when they couldn’t get home without subjecting themselves to the same repeating sound track over and over again. The relief was merciful, but the interlude brief.

Huge fibre-glass installations start sprouting out of the backs of single-deck buses. Advertisement cards hang from the stanchion poles like multiple “Do Not Disturb” hotel door signs swaying with the motion of the train/bus, hoping that you would grab one of them just as you lose your balance on the next jerk of the cabin.

When the property boom came a few months ago, I open the front door each evening to a stack of hastily shoved flyers in the gap between the gate and the door. A few of them even took the liberty to scrawl my unit number on the flyer so it read: “We want to buy unit #00-1000!!!”

Where does the buck stop? Will the world drown in a flood of advertisements? I don’t know. Already, the braille lettering on some of the buttons in the lifts in my block are pasted over with locksmith advertisements. One particular one thought that it was pretty clever to stick a sticker on the inside of the main gate. Notwithstanding the extreme irritation at the defacement of my house, I stood there wondering how the heck I would see that sticker if I were stuck outside my house.

While advertisements can prove to be an effective way to let customers know you exist, pushy advertisements like the ones I highlighted above can backfire very badly. At the very least, you would know what services or products I would never buy from now on!

Kenging

Keng. Chao Keng. Keng King. A lot of these words have been bandied about in the army, especially among NSFs. Furthermore, talk about kenging or whatnot in the army is not just limited inside, but has even gone on other people’s blogs, forums, and even youtube. But I guess it’s understandable. After all, people keng in the army because (I think) of two years wasted from their life. And this leads to people talking / complaining / blogging and whatnot about kenging, the people who do so, how to keng, how not to keng, how is it unfair that X kengs but I cannot keng and so on.

As a serviceman who is finishing his two years of NS, I’ve no doubt heard a lot about kenging, and I’ve been accused of kenging too, as a PES C personnel by downgrading.

But first, what is keng?

“Keng” to me means the avoidance of duties. This can vary in several ways, ranging from taking MCs when not sick, avoiding the office when work has to be done, to downgrading to invisible injuries. Most servicemen (I think), keng. I don’t mean it in the sense that they purposely take MCs, but rather in that they will try to avoid any extra work. It makes sense too. After all, whether in NS or not, few people willingly seek out extra work which they have no intrest in. Add that to the factor of two years of compulsory service, the majority of NSFs would probably tend to avoid work whenever possible, and is understandable.

Downgrading due to false reasons (aka malingering), and faking of MCs however, are much worse, and many people (the non-kengsters at least), scorn those doing so. Whether the kengsters are scorned because they are not man enough to face the challenges in the army, or because they dared to keng and succeeded is a different
story however.

As a PES C personnel, I’ve had lots of people going about saying I keng in the army by downgrading, and even state the fact that I participate in the PT sessions as proof that I am physically fit. Again, I think it is just misunderstanding. If one downgrades due to U or L in the PULHEEMS, and participates in PT or sports, then yes, I’d take it that the person is kenging. But if one downgrades due to other factors, namely PHEEMS, how can participating in PT be kenging?

I believe that the complaints are mostly sour grapes though. When these people say I keng, they are saying that when I’m happily on off, or when they are having SOC training. Of course, they turn a blind eye when I’m working hard in the office up till 10pm, or when they pull MCs for route march / range / ATEC / other BN exercises.

In fact, most complaints against pes C personnel are mostly of that sort, and for the same reason. Browsing through forums and such, there are many complaints of these variants: “Oh, XXX keng and downgrade, now can enjoy aircon in office siah.” It’s understandable. I too, curse the combatants. When I’m preparing the range detailing and transferring everything to a laptop to bring to range the night before, and not having seven hours of sleep before my range, I’m wondering why a combatant trained in admin stuff doesn’t want to help out when he’s not shooting. But of course, I don’t do stupid things like accuse them of kenging.

I actually feel that the majority of people complaining about pes C personnel kenging are because of these thinking processes:
1.The pes C personnel are doing something enjoyable at the time when they are suffering.
2.They downgraded = they keng.
3.So a complaint is justified.
4.Besides, it must be true ; look at all the forums, blogs, websites, people in army talking about kengsters.
5. XXX kengs.

Yet of course, these people blissfully ignore the times when they are sleeping in bunks, and a pes C personnel is working. So be it.

No, complaints about real kenging should actually be made only, and only if the person fakes something to keng (break leg, scratch skin till bleed, fake mental illness), rather than the person being better off than you at a particular moment in time. Of course, you can complain about their good life..but definitely not on kenging. It’s
not fair, both ways.

PS. I’m writing this because I think a lot of PES C / E people are being unfairly labelled as kengsters, while the real kengsters get away with it. I have more respect for a downgraded person who does a decent or wonderful job, compared to a combatant who frequently takes MCs / MAs to avoid training.

Pesky Pests That Pain Me

Girls freak out when they see one. Some guys too.

They invade your privacy and disrupt your R&R time when you are watching your favourite TV show.

You will have to kill them immediately, for hygiene purpose and to end the possibility of procreation.

As a group they are categorised as pests. Individually we call them cockroaches. Everybody hates them. But I don’t. I’m scared of them much more than hate.

Each encounter gives me a near heart attack, and the latest one just happened last night.

While my sister used the insecticide on this unwelcome intruder, I had to go through this entire huge internal struggle again.

You see, the intruder will start its escapade the second it felt the deadly poison. As they struggle and run for it’s life, I felt the pain in me too. Funny as it sounds to you, I actually pity this creature.

It will start to run frantically for it’s life, and of course, we will aim the insecticide and keep spraying. Then we leave it to die a slow and painful death. This is why my heart aches.

If I were the one spraying, I would use up practically a quarter of the can. Why? Not because I hate them to the core, but I thought “Why not give them a quick death than to be slowly tortured to it’s last breath?”

Am I psychotic? I’m not sure, that’s why I call it an internal struggle.

It pains me to see this creature running everywhere and struggling, until it turns over and lay still. Yes, I know! It is a pest! Even then, I can’t control my urge to steal some glances and remember how it had put up a brave fight before it’s death.

Life is fragile. Despite how strong a human being can be, we can be brought down by a virus so tiny that you need to magnify it probably a zillion times under a microscope. Even a cockroach, a rat or some bugs will flee for it’s life when it’s endangered. How about us? How are we treating our lives? 

The Faceless Snigger

Well, since it all started with Narev’s post on Facebook, I thought I should continue with a title that is relevant.

Why faceless snigger? You shall find out very soon.

Do you know anyone who was, at some point, or most of the time, the brunt of most jokes? Maybe this person has some physical handicap, or looks not so well groomed, or is on the rounder side, or has some peculiar habits, or even stammer.

Why did this person become the target? Because it’s convenient enough.

I’ve found myself in the middle of such groups where they will continue to laugh at certain people’s less-than-perfect trait. Roaring laughter rise above the heads and fill the room as they create more jokes. Fuelled by such ‘success’, some even start mimicking the subject. 

What do I do? Well, as the saying goes, if you can’t beat them, join them.

Join them I shall….. NOT!

What I did usually was to keep quiet at first, and when they continue to build their happiness on the poor guy’s expense, I will make my stand, which tends to shut them up.

My stand is this – we can joke about anything under the sun, moon or even stars. So long as they are harmless and don’t hurt anyone. Especially jokes about people’s misfortune or things that are beyond their control. 

At times, I may also succumb to such wickedness, but only because I was too in the moment and failed to catch myself. But that is only temporary, for when things are carried on, I will surely be aware and stop myself.

I hope you too, will be more aware. To be more self-conscious and to pay more attention to people around you.

To me, that is just not humour. At all.

And guess what? I’m not sorry to say this at all! 

Women Vs Men’s Talk Vs Cooking?

It’s been a long time since I’ve been invited to a dinner session at a friend’s home. That Saturday night was really enjoyable. Not only the sumptuous food that was laid before us, but also the friendship.

Women bond through chatting. There’s really no doubt about it. The three of us (namely me, my sister and our friend) kept on talking, and the hostess showed us many of her clothes and pretty gowns as we oohed and ahhed at them. I wonder what will the men show their guests? Photos from their childhood days? Certainly not, but we women do!

As we shared tips ranging from housekeeping to career, the night just slipped away silently and swiftly while we snacked on fruits and chips. At this time, I wonder what will guys be talking about?

Certainly not gossiping about their other halves, as what women generally love indulging in. But that doesn’t preclude them from talking about other women. We know.

What will the guys be eating as they chat? Maybe beer and/or wine and/or hard liquor and nuts?

We asked her why she can cook so well, and she told us she picked up this skill for only one reason - to whet her husband and son’s appetite. Wow, and I began to think if I were her, will I do this? Maybe, if the demand is there.

And if it were you, will you spend time to pore over cook books and recipes just so you can whip up a dish to please your girlfriend?

Since we’re on the topic of cooking, let me sidetrack a little.

I know, at your age, you probably won’t be able to cook as freely and as much as you want to, even if you like to. The fact that you’re now in the army with only 2 days in a week that is free, and the fact that the kitchen at home probably is “owned” by your mother, cooking seems like a far and away luxury (if you consider it as not a chore) for you right now.

But, if you really have the heart to, take a rain cheque on this with your girlfriend. Find a day when maybe your parents aren’t around, then cook her something. Even if it’s a very simple dish, it will still mean a lot to her, especially when you’re the one behind the pan.

How about doing it for your family too? I’m sure as much as they will be astonished, the sweetness that is swelling inside them will be overflowing at the same time. 

Why am I saying this? Because there is something about having men cook. Especially a man whom we love. *wink*

Bee Movie

I’ll just come out and say, as unabashedly as I can, that, despite my ever-increasing age, I was and still am a big kid at heart and I love animations. From Japanese anime like Prince of Tennis and Bleach to American adaptations like Pokemon, I’m a big fan of them all. And, of course, like most other big kids (not to mention the real ones), I’ve also been a huge fan of animated films, with movies like Aladdin, The Lion King, Shrek and Finding Nemo all taking places in my top 10 favourite movies of all time.

So, it was with a reasonable amount of excitement that I approached the latest animation to hit town, Bee Movie. While recent animated efforts have been pretty lackluster, Dreamworks Animation has churned out huge hits in the past (including the afore-mentioned Shrek) so I still bore out hope.

Was it justified? Well, I don’t think Bee Movie will be winning any awards (unless it’s something kids related) but it served up a decently entertaining watch.

Featuring voices from a veritable who’s who list of comedians, Bee Movie is about Barry B. Benson, a bee (as you might have guessed from the title) who has just graduated from bee college and is at the point in his short (one would think, seeing as his entire schooling career a long, nine days) life where he has to choose which part of the honey-making production line (that all bees are working in) he wants to go into.

Of course, while his peers are happy (even excited) to take up jobs in the honey factory, he would much rather have the freedom to head outside the hive and gather pollen and nectar and see the world. I won’t spoil the story here other than to say that, acting on this wish, he unleashes a series of world-changing (and I do mean, world-changing) events.

While the basic plot of the story is predictable (although taking into account the target audience of this movie, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing), the plot devices used are totally ridiculous and out-of-this-world. From being able to talk to humans to having an army of bees flying a powerless plane, the scriptwriters obviously weren’t gunning for any form of realism.

With that said, though, the scripting is pretty good here. The overall pacing for the movie is fantastic (with never a dull moment) and the feel is lighthearted and enjoyable, with jokes (especially satirical spoofs about the famous stereotypes of bees) aplenty.

The voice acting is terrific, if not outstanding. Jerry Seinfeld pulls off a likeable, affable Barry, although there are several moments when one is reminded of the comedian in his titular sitcom instead. Renee Zellweger is adequate as Vanessa, the human florist who strikes up a friendship (and, disturbingly, the hints of a more-than-platonic relationship) with Benson. Oprah Winfrey, Sting and Larry King all guest-voice briefly, with the Larry King sequence one of the most hilarious moments in the show.

Overall, while Bee Movie isn’t the best animation to hit the cinemas ever, it does entertain reasonably and is great for anyone looking for a lighthearted fix.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

The Lowly Cadet vs The Recruit?

I just learnt yesterday that a recruit ranks higher than that of a cadet in OCS. We were having lunch with the former while gossiping about the latter who was at home, getting ready to book into camp that evening.

Now isn’t it funny that the cadet holds the lowest rank, but one that commands influence and power after he finishes OCS?

Of course I can’t comment since I’m not in the army and I don’t know how it is run or why it is run the way as it is. But the look of smugness on the recruit’s face certainly was food for laughter during lunch.

That reminded me of the days when I was a still a child. My primary school teacher could last long enough in her career to teach two generations – father and child.

Well, that father was my dad, and naturally that child was me. So, that led me thinking that if the teacher had mistreated me when I was her student, then maybe, just maybe, her smugness would be short-lived if I were to become a teacher and teach her child one day in the future!

At times, a plan of vengeance would start to form in my head while I sat there, pretending to pay attention in class by the constant head nodding and notes scribbling.

The more I was reprimanded, the more concise my plan evolved.

Those were the days. Did I really become a teacher? No I didn’t, strictly speaking. Non-strictly, I wonder if being a love coach certifies me to be a teacher in life as well?

What was the purpose of this post? I guess the “teacher” in me is itching to give some words of advice again!

Ready?

Here goes:

“Be nice to people on your way up, because you’ll never know whom you’ll meet on your way down” – Wilson Mizner

Volunteering

Now, coming hot on the heels of last week’s greenery, we have more green. In fact, so much that you will turn green in the face (probably not with envy though).

Introducing the mascot for the Clean and Green Singapore campaign:

He’s cute.

He’s lovable.

He’s… confused.

Poor guy is stuck inside 10cm thick costume that is heavy and hot at the same time. If you could see us sweating profusely, you can almost imagine the heat inside there. Thank goodness for the in-built fan inside the helmet (no air-conditioning, we’re all going green here).

You see, my class and I are volunteer helpers at the Clean and Green Singapore campaign. Our job scope is a lot less fun than what the others had to do, though it was still quite enjoyable. We manned a booth with 3 laptops to encourage visitors to sign the Clean and Green pledge.

Volunteering gives you a whole new perspective of society, and gives you a lot of stuff to ponder about. The environmental activists come early in the morning, and head for the booth immediately to sign the pledge. The senior citizens come early too, but they have a phobia for computers, though they will still sign the pledge if you will help them with the computers.

The typical family unit comes in near noon-time, perhaps after the kids have finally woken up on a lazy Sunday afternoon. They come for the games, and you manage to trick the children to sign the pledge in return for a badge with the cute little mascot on it.

Then there is always the odd person who always seem to be on the lookout for freebies. I remember there was this uncle who came to the booth, steaming from his head. I wondered whether he would burst, since you cansee the veins bulging from his neck.

“What kind of an organisation is this? I need to play games to get the goodie bag?”

“Uncle, would you like to play the games then? They’re fun...” I asked

“No no no no! You all are just wasting my time.” (throws game card in my face and stomps off)

“Gee, I didn’t know that guys have PMS too,” my classmate asked.

I told her that she isn’t a guy, and will never understand how the sensitive new-age aged guys think. In fact, even I don’t understand that outburst.

Nary that short saga, everything went smoothly. As you can see, volunteerism has many benefits in developing your character. You learn more about handling difficult people, learn that there’s always more to life than, well, yourself. And you learn that guys have PMS too.

Facebook Groups

Facebook seems to be the new ‘in’ thing these days, with more and more people flocking to it. Of course, there are good reasons for it to be, with groups to join and applications to add to one’s own profile. In fact, apparently there’s this rumour floating around that average people spend at least 10 minutes a day on Facebook. I don’t know whether that is true or not, but Facebook is definitely a hot thing right now.

Unfortunately, because Facebook seems to be the most ‘in’ thing, there are people who do use it for unsavoury purposes, reaching out to a wide group of people. I would like to highlight one such purpose and how it can be facilitated, via the easy creation of such Facebook Groups.

Just recently, I have seen two Facebook Groups created, each targetting individual people. Basically, they are set up, with the person’s flaws (real or otherwise perceived) in the group description, along with a deragatory name in the group’s title. The posts in the group deal with the aforementioned person too.

Of course, invitations are sent out by the group creators to the people he (or she) knows, as well as to the people that the person being targetted knows. And the majority of people, seeing an invitation to such a group, accepts it.

I just don’t like this situation. Firstly, it humiliates the person involved. Secondly, it’s somewhat quasi-permanent. It will forever be there, until the group creator gets a change of heart and deletes it. Furthermore, other people can see such a group in their friend’s profiles, and may subconciously form an impression (false or otherwise) of the person targetted.

For the first group I’ve seen, I’ve talked to some of my peers who have joined the group. They say that it’s just for fun, and the person involved doesn’t really mind, when asked. I’m not very happy with this, but I can’t argue. Although I tend to think that when most people are bullied, they usually say they don’t mind either, for fear of reprisals. Of course, maybe it’s just me. But before the group was formed, there was only teasing of the abovementioned person. After the group was formed, things got a bit worse, ending up with someone poking multiple holes in his bedsheets. My impression was that after the group was created, the people who bully this poor chap thought they could get away with more and more, seeing he doesn’t mind, which led to his mutilated bedsheets.

For the second group I’ve seen, it’s somewhat like the first one, only that the people invited include those not connected with the victim involved. And when the aforementioned victim talked with the group’s creator to kindly remove the group, even more people got invited to it. Only after when the victim spoke with the police and found out he could file a suit for that facebook group and then cautioned the group’s creator was the group taken down.

The above two cases are real and have occurred, and I feel that the first one has more far-reaching effects than the second one. While the second one seems more childish, ie, the method of invitation, at least it got shut down. The first one however, is there because the victim doesn’t mind. But it leads on to worse atrocities commited against him because he just simply is too good natured to voice out any complaints.

Then again, I’m probably just being a busybody poking my noses into other people’s businesses....

Brothers

Hong Kong mafia movies are a dime a dozen and, with so few of them rising to critical and box-office acclaim (the Infernal Affairs series is the only recent one that comes to mind), I guess filmmakers are having to turn to more innovative measures to make sure that their gangster movies stand out from the rest. Sometimes, though, that’s not a good thing.

Brothers, featuring a star-studded cast that includes four of the five Tigers of the TVB station in the 80s (with Tony Leung the only absentee), is the latest mafia-related show to reach local shores.

The story is basic, cliché fair: A pair of brothers separated from young due to a divination lot that said they would end up killing each other, reunite after twenty years when their father, a retired triad leader, is stabbed and lands up in hospital. What follows is a dull and utterly predictable story that involves lots of cat-and-mouse with the police, lots of killing and violence as well as the usual rivalry between gangs and, as the title states, some brotherly relationship development. I won’t give any more details or spoilers here because there’s really nothing much to spoil. The ending can be seen a mile away.

The acting, while competent, is nothing to shout about. Michael Miu plays a credible mafia boss who’s trying to teach his brother, played by Eason Chan (although one finds it hard to believe that the two, who look so different in age, could be brothers born within a few years of each other), the tricks of the trade while Andy Lau steals the show with his cheeky and smart-mouthed police inspector.

Perhaps to set the movie apart from others, the creators of the film have taken to using a huge variety of different filming effects, ranging from extreme up-close motion shots to wide panoramic shots with the subject material only at one end of the screen to random sudden scene transitions, to liven up the show. Unfortunately, while some of the shots are pure genius and succeed in lending a slight noir feel to the show, most of them are functionally redundant and end up adding a discordant, schizophrenic air to the movie. The sound effects, too, are a hit-and-miss, jumping from pop rock to creepy horror flick to ballad within seconds, giving a very jarring effect.

Brothers is a movie only for die-hard HK gangster drama freaks or fans of the Tigers, all of whom have aged considerably.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars

Walking in a forest

If you are lucky to have ever ventured into a forest in Singapore during the day, you would realise that the air underneath the leafy dark green canopy is surprisingly still. Noisy maybe, but moving air: no. There you can stand, breathing laboriously from the walk. The sweat droplets feel stubbornly thick and itchy against your skin. If you happen to be a Singaporean male aged between 17 to 40 (for some, 55 even), your face will be scrawled in weird green/black patterns. Yikes, how I hate that camouflage cream!

Being in the infantry means a lot of walking, and if the the uninitiated think that it is as easy as a walk in the park, you might want to experience it in person, carrying a backpack with upwards of 15 kg worth of equipment on your back. (You get a 1.5kg discount if you bring along a rifle though.) Now take a tentative step towards the side of the road, where all the trees are. See that impenetrable wall of vines and small plants? Grab the parang from your backpack, and start hacking away. After clearing a small path, take two steps in, only to meet with more plants in front of you. The work of bashing through vegetation is a huge test of endurance, especially if it is on top of having to reach a certain objective by a deadline. Add in mud from the frequent downpours in Singapore, and the going gets tough.

How did I do it? For a start, I don’t usually bother with the parang. At 65kg, the combination of me and my field pack is enough for me to create a new path through the seemingly perpetual green. I face towards where I came from, and jump backwards into the thick wall. There is nothing more satisfying in this predicament than to have your burden do the work for you. After fifteen minutes of pioneering the new path, the team takes a break by (you’ve guessed correctly) sitting on the fallen plants. Not only do they make very comfortable chairs, your butt will be free of the mud.

Then, just as you are drinking from your water bottle, you feel a sudden urge to scratch your hand; only to look down and see a black little mosquito with its sucking tube buried inside your flesh. Acting on instinct, you bring your other hand down in a classic demonstration of the swiftness of justice, and carefully brought it up again, to see a 2D representation of the innards of a female mosquito. So that’s where all those violent anime got their inspiration… Suddenly, as if a fog of war had been lifted, the area starts buzzing with many black little things, carving erratic patterns in the still air. Wincing in annoyance, you whip out the green tube standard issue insect repellent. Squeezing a little bit of the gel onto your hand, you start to dab it around your face carefully (the thing is acidic, and corrodes your beautiful green make-up). Your face starts burning, but you resist the urge to touch it because you would have to re-do that sickening green cream on your face afterwards.

Extremely irritated, the commander decided to push on, and away from this untamed part of the jungle. Inside it, you hardly find any comfort. That is, until modern technology came along. More in a later post!

(Photo credits: Lip Kee, Flickr: Forest in Johor, Malaysia)
Footnote: Singapore and Malaysia share the same type of tropical rainforest, since we are all close together)