Sunday, July 13, 2008

21st Birthday

Ask any typical Singaporean and they’ll tell you that, in our early young adult years, there’re a few different ages that serve as milestones, landmarks in life, a sort of “here-you-are-now” checkpoint.

The first would be at twelve years old where, fresh from taking the first major exam (the PSLE) and gunning for a secondary school of choice, one finds himself (or herself) crossing the line from sweet, innocent adolescence into teenage hood.

Next, there is the ubiquitous sweet sixteen, celebrated not only locally but in many other countries as well, as a sort of unofficial first step into adulthood. Singaporean 16 year olds, having (probably) just finished up with secondary school and the GCSE ‘O’ and ‘N’ levels, now get to watch movies with slightly more matured themes (NC-16) and would probably have started (or ended) their first romantic relationship.

Third comes the age of 18, where life starts to take a more drastic (and more adult) turn for most. The girls either leave their educational lives behind and enter the workforce or continue to pursue their studies at the university (which most would agree is a far cry from even JC or poly days) and the guys bid farewell to their civilian lives (and their pink ICs) to enlist into the army. Not only that, another level of movies are opened up and, exciting news for many, these late teens are eligible to take the driving test and obtain their drivers’ license.

Last , but definitely not the least, of the twentweenage era milestones is the age of 21, widely recognized as the age where we are no longer “youths” or “kids”, but have officially stepped into “adult” status (or, at least the very least, young adult). And, whatever the hawker centre lady’s insistence that you are still “ah boy” or “xiao di”, the government also now sees you as a full adult, with all the responsibilities and rules of being one.

This past Wednesday, I had reached that fourth milestone, taking my first official step into adulthood. Whether I wanted it or not, I was no longer a boy in the eyes of the country but a man (of course, many would argue that it is only after having finished our two years in the army that we are made men but that’s another case for another day).

Unlike many of my more happening peers who enjoy (and have planned, or are planning) huge birthday bashes, I’ve never been one for big birthday extravaganzas with long guest lists and even longer bills (after all, why would I, on my birthday, want to stress myself out with all the logistics, the invitations of guests and the paying), preferring instead to have quiet, small gatherings with friends and this year, despite all the cultural baggage and expectations that turning 21 entails, was no different.

Eschewing any form of large party attended by everyone I’ve ever known, would like to know or who would like to know me (after all, that’s how all those movies go right?), I had a quiet day at home (hey, when you’re in camp for five days a week, quiet days at home are quite the luxury) before heading out for a dinner with some old secondary school classmates, with more dinners with poly classmates and army friends coming up soon.

But, I digress.

What many people don’t realize about milestones in general is that they serve as more than just reasons to throw a celebration (although I definitely have no objections about that. Invite me!). Other than a way to say “hey, congrats on surviving so far!” and giving you a beautiful view of your bright future, milestones (even ones that are set up by societal and cultural traditions rather than any tangible reason) are also meant as a way of looking back, appreciating how far you’ve come and to learn from your past experiences.

After all, what’s the use of celebrating your 21st when you don’t remember to look back at the last twenty years and laugh at the silly fashion faux pas, smile at the nostalgic good memories, cringe at embarrassing awkward moments (secondary school dramas are often a source of “I-can’t-believe-I-did-that” reminisces) and glean a lesson or two from your past boo-boos? I’m not saying that we should keep dwelling in the past (because goodness knows some parts are just depressing), just saying that birthdays shouldn’t only be about the now and the “next time”, but also about “last time” as well.

So, on my 21st, I saw down for a long and hard moment of reflection.  And you know what? Thinking about the past (even the painful moments) only served to make me appreciate those around me more and look forward to a good future ahead.

Of course, I’m not saying that I had a particularly bad childhood or anything (in fact, I’d say I’d a pretty charmed life, although nothing much to be jealous of or to write home about). Sure, I had my little problems (most of the time brought on by my own insecurities, my tactlessness and embarrassing immaturity), my regrets (biggest one? Dropping piano lessons after the first grade or two because I was, and still am, unbelievably lazy) and my whole upper sec life was a tangled mess of dramatic moments but on the whole it’s been pretty smooth sailing.

The thing is that, cliché as it might sound, I’ve always been a firm believer in optimism (although sometimes I’d admit that pessimism is a much easier mindset to turn to, especially when the going gets tough. Sure, we’re all a little paranoid when it comes to certain things in our lives (I’m deathly afraid of getting in trouble with authorities so friends always insist that I’m too kiasu) and it’s always good to be prepared and have contingencies, but I feel that our general, broad outlook at life should always be a happy one, finding things to be happy about, the proverbial silver lining (it doesn’t even have to be particularly big; small little blessings that we often take for granted serve fine).

So, what’s the point of my (long winded) rant? It’s always good to look back on your past experiences and from there find things that will drive you to a better future, whether you feel you had a good past or not. So, if you are celebrating your birthday anytime soon (and it doesn’t have to be any of the “milestone” birthdays or, heck, even a birthday at all!), why not take the chance to look back at the years that have led you up to this. After all, you’re celebrating having reached so far right?