Monday, May 24, 2010

Alcohol: God’s Gift To Fools

I must have a Guardian angel watching over me. Growing up, I used to party hard. And drank far too much. Didn’t matter what I drank ( long island tea being the poison of choice… especially at Zouk’s one-for-one jugs around midnight!)… and mixing different types of drinks gave a quicker buzz.

I used to get in such trouble… I am so lucky to be perfectly normal and unscarred today.

New Year’s eve 3 years ago.. I did the countdown with my then-Bf and few other friends at Siloso Beach. Had too much to drink, jumped off a HIGH platform while dancing… and landed on the flank of my right foor. That night I also lost my mobile phone.

Then after swearing off alcohol for a while, I had a bit too much booze AGAIN.. and fell down a flight of stairs, pulling my best friend down with me. She was ok, but I hurt my wrist.

Over the years.. I remember waking up to big big nasty bruises because I banged my head on the toilet bowl ( of all places!), bruising my knees, losing more phones, vomitting in friends’ cars (so sorry!)… one male friend even affectionately nicknamed me the clown.

CLOWN! Not very flattering… I know..

The list of my misadventures while intoxicated runs a mile long.... maybe it was all part of growing up.. or maybe Alcohol is just God’s gift to fools.

Good news is.. I’ve grown up a lot, and over the last few years, binge drinking is a distant memory, getting drunk happens rarely… and I enjoy my Lychee Martinis one small sip at a time.

What about you? What is your relationship with alcohol like?

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On a different note, Saturday’s Make Over was very successful! I looooove how their studio pics turned out!

If you haven’t cast your vote for your favourite girl yet… don’t forget to do it by the 28th! Results will be out 1st week of June!

Which girl will look the best after getting the star treatment from ettusais, ClubCouture and Pink Elephant Labs ??

Cast your VOTE for your favourite girl. And you could win $200 worth of ettusais products. CLICK HERE to cast your vote.

http://lifestyle.www.ns.sg/portal/ns/contests/contests_new/hjphotovoting/

Monday, May 17, 2010

Sex-Pats in Singapore

A Sex-Pat is a person (generally a white man) who could not get laid back home (well, not as easily anyway), who moves to an Asian country, and suddenly finds that prosititues and SPGs treat him like the man he always knew he was.

The difference between a sex-tourist and a sex-pat is the sexpat lives in the country, a sex-tourist is a short stay visitor.

It’s a power rush. To suddenly be desireable (even if it is only to a much less discerning crowd of women...) can get to any man’s head, and inflate it. (NOTE: Not all women in Singapore fall to their feet just because they’re white, okay?!)

I have recently started seeing a white man. And I like him a lot. He is also at this stage quite smitten by me. But I am wary and extremely careful with this one… because he is very new to Singapore. Why is this bad??? It’s because I am afraid that he will fall into the sex-pat pit. I’m not saying he’s a sex-pat, he’s not…

But look around us… you know what they say- Play with shit, Smell like shit.

The many pitfalls awaiting any new white expat in Singapore include:

Prostitution
Chewing gum is banned… along with some relatively harmless video games, and movies and books. It will cost a Singaporean more money to enter the casino than it would to get laid by a tranny. You can only smoke within yellow boxes. You cannot take your dogs into the malls. But prostitution? Prostituution is a thriving business in Singapore. Me thinks… somebody may have missed something here???

Geylang is not the only sex district in Singapore. Right on our world renowned fashionable shopping district we have Orchard Towers; the 4 floors of whores. It is home to several escort services, sleazy bars and barfront brothels.

KTV joints

It’s appalling how many men (Singaporean included!) patronise sleazy KTV joints. It’s not all as innocent as you pretend it to be. I often hear some male friends talking about which mamasan has the best girls at which joints… how much they cost and how far each one will go. It’s amazing how much such establishments can get away with legally.

(I am the only one here that is secretly snickering away everytime a KTV joint gets raided by the cops, and you see pictures of all the idiots trying to cover their faces?)

Sleazy Massages

These are dodgy massage parlours where the massage isn’t that great but they offer clients a happy ending.

Social Escorts
I have never understood why a man would pay for a woman and keep it social. Pay her for sex, yes, it makes sense. But to pay a woman so she can chat with you over dinner??? Sure...... *cynical laugh*

And even if a new white man can manage the willpower and pride to avoid all these pitfalls… just an innocent trip down to Attica could just as easily make him fall down that sex-pat pit.

So, you see now why I have reservations on this guy I really like? A new white man in Singapore faces so many pitfalls.

Of course, after going through the sex-pat phase, many white men (stung, broken, jaded, but hopefully not diseased) will come to see Sex-Patism for what it really is (though some just never leave the candy store).

My question is, is the Sex-Pat Phase something EVERY new expat will go through?

Friday, May 14, 2010

Vote Your Favourite Girl & Win!

I’m so excited about conducting the Make Over next week....  I’m sourcing for hairstylists to join my make over team as well… Hope I find suitable ones in time for the make over next weekend *fingers crossed*

It’s going to be so much fun, the girls are in for a real treat. I love being pampered and I’m sure these girls will love it too. Make up.. clothes… Lights, Camera, Action! It’ll be a day to remember!

I’ll be doing live twit pic updates of the girls as they get made over… so if you have Twitter, follow me at - hollyjean69. And be updated with their progress live.

Here are the 3 lucky girls selected to undergo the make over!

Which girl will look the best after getting the star treatment from ettusais, ClubCouture and Pink Elephant Labs ??

Cast your VOTE for your favourite girl. And you could win $200 worth of ettusais products. CLICK HERE to cast your vote.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Girl’s Underwear Personalities

Hey boys, did you know that you can tell a girl’s personality based on her panties?

Read and learn my friends....

Type 1: Granny Panties

A girl who wears Granny Panties, is not interested in impressing you. Either that, or she hasn’t done her laundry in a while. (Though I’d rather not wear any panties than be caught wearing Granny ones!)
Personality wise, a Granny Panty girl likes to play it safe, is unlikely to be the adventurous sort and is usually comfortable with who she is.

Type 2: Cute Panties

These are usually bikini brief cut and have colourful print. Most girls tend to wear bikini briefs and that’s because they are just the right fit between coverage and still being sexy.
These girls tend to be flirty, silly and open-minded. The sky is the limit when it comes to fabric, colors and patterns.

Type 3: G Strings

Thongs and G-strings are by far the sexiest of all underwears. If she wears G-strings or thongs, she is a woman who is concerned about fashion (visible panty lines etc) and is also very sexy and sensual.
If she wears lacy thongs you can bet she is a sensual and sexy person… but if she opts for solid coloured plain thongs, the may be using it for a more practical reason.

Type 4: Boxers

A newer style of ladies panties, and growing in popularity among the young. They are styled after ‘Boys Underwear’. A girl who wears boxers or boyshorts is actually a tom boy at heart. Either that or she knows how cute a girl can look in little shorts.
She is probably atheletic and outgoing.

Type 5: Commando

If the girl doesn’t wear any underwear… then it’s your lucky day. 
She’s a girl who doesn’t like to be restricted or live by the rules. She loves independence and freedom.

Oh… I’m sorry… you didn’t think I’d actually model the underwear for you, did you?

Friday, May 07, 2010

You’re Only As Good As Your Job??

Does a man’s job affect how you perceive him?

Yes. It affects me greatly.

If you asked a woman if it matters what job her mate has… and she says No… Chances are, she’s a big fat liar. Can you honestly admit that you would not have different impressions of two men if one was a dashing young fighter pilot while the other a dashing young sales assistant at Tangs?

Girls… It’s ok to be honest. The people who scoff at us and say that we’re shallow, are in a world of their own. We are on earth, and we need to survive.

I’m not afraid to admit that if I were at a party and there were two guys who showed interest in me, at the end of day, all things being equal, I’d be leaving with the one who showed up in the Audi R8 (ala IronMan Tony Stark)!

Of course, it should also matter whether he is a good person. But his success and affluence in life is bound to push him up more than just a few notches above those who are mediocre. Nobody wants an average boyfriend.......

I think this all boils down to survival instincts. Back in the day, when men had to hunt and bring food home for the family… the women who chose men who were strong and successful at hunting never went hungry.

But those with a higher plane of selectivity, who chose the men who made them laugh and had “a real sense of humour” instead, these women probably all starved to death in their caves. So there are hardly anymore of those types around now.

How is this judgment of mine fair to the majority of men in this world with (seemingly) mediocre jobs as salesmen, or waiters, or flight attendants, or bartenders, etc? It’s not. But this is how the world is.

Many of these men are my friends, and I don’t judge them. But I wouldn’t want to marry them either.

Right now you must be thinking.. Oh this girl must be high maintenance! But I am not. I do not need a man to support me.

I find intellect, ambition and success very appealing in men. Which is why I was mesmerised by 3, yes three, of my philosophy lecturers at NUS.

I dated a Swiss guy who was a doctor for a brief period when I was 23, he was 31 at the time. What attracted me to him was the fact that we had long conversations over dinner and he always had a wide variety of stuff to talk about that would inspire and simply leave me in awe. But things did not go further because he took relationships too casually, and I don’t. (He ended up in Italy eventually with a girlfriend who was 16!)

But the Point is… Life is a whole mess of different kinds of people. You create your own set of ideals. It’s like a mental checklist of what you desire in a partner and whether you will ever meet that One Person who checks every single valid virtue or idiosyncratic need that you have on that list of yours… I don’t know. (Though as you get older and get quite exhausted of the search, you may want to consider a compromise!). But you need to aim high and be the best person you can be. Live up to your full potential.. never aim to be mediocre.

I think I’ve gotten better at this “selection” through the years. Everytime my relationship is about to fail… or fails (yes sometimes I don’t see it coming) ... I tell myself that I deserve better… and the next one I go for has to have _____ and_______ and____ (fill in the blanks)...so far, I have gotten better at getting what I want.

On the flip side, are men’s opinions of a woman affected by the job she holds? I asked an ex BF once, if he would have dated me if on that first date I had revealed that I was a cleaner. And he honestly said no. His reason was that if I could only manage to be a cleaner after 26 years of my life (I was 26 when I asked him) , then I probably haven’t applied myself very well. Hmmm… I guess that’s his way of saying I don’t go for losers.

Do you?

** Please note, this post is not meant to offend. Just because I am not attracted to people whom I consider average… Doesn’t mean that they are average to everyone else. I’m not dictating what you should think or do. I’m just asking you if that person’s success (career, etc) in life matters. How much does it matter? Are you only as good as your job???

c’est la vie.

Monday, May 03, 2010

NS boys stink!

And I mean that in the most tactful way possible.

I know you work hard, and I know it’s been a long week… but when you leave the army camp, leave the stink behind, boys!

You already have the rugged army fatigues/man in uniform thing going for you.... why spoil it by smelling like dirt? Clean up, spritz on a bit of cologne (A BIT, not bathe in it, ok?), and you’ll find that you’ll turn more than a few pretty heads once you’re out of camp…

Here are my Top 10 Colognes for Hot Men In Uniform

1. Nautica - Voyage

Ok, Nautica’s clothes are a bit naff looking (shop at your own risk). But this is Nautica’s best cologne. This scent is so fresh and clean! It smells pure, not loud, and not too sweet.

2. Diesel - Fuel for Life

This is a rugged manly cologne. Don’t use this if you’re scrawny. It doesn’t match. It’s a play-hard cologne. You can wear it playing any sport and still finish smelling fresh!

3. Burberry - The Beat

This is a younger Burberry scent. It’s a citrusy-scented cologne. If you prefer something light but not feminine, this is the one for you.

4. L’Eau d’Issey Pour Homme Collection

This is to die for! It smells handsome. It smells like you have class. It smells how I imagine a passionate French lover would smell like

5. Acqua Di Gio

One of my first BFs when I was in Tampines Jc, used this cologne. And I still remember it like 10 years later!

6. Jean Paul Gaultier – Le Male

This is super sexy. It’s strong, it lingers, it makes an impression.

7. Polo Black

Unlike JPG’s Le Male, this one is a subtle sexy cologne. It is a very soft scent, so i may be lost on some people. It is sweet smelling but still smells masculine.

8. Usher - VIP

This is a cool scent. The scent is so refreshing, not too strong, and he doesn’t need to spray much of it. It’s a great everyday cologne.

9. Beckham - Signature Story

Smell as sexy as the legend himself. Beckham Signature Story fragrance smells a bit woody and very masculine.

10. Armani - Code

This sexy sleek black bottle is not for everyone. It’s grown-up smelling like a man with a nice (thick) leather wallet and chronograph timepiece… not a boy with velcro wallet and rubber Timex watch.

Never use a cologne to deceive people. And especially NEVER use it in place of good hygiene (you can’t mask a bad odour just by spraying cologne!). Use a cologne to add that extra bit of oomph! to your image. Our moods are linked to our senses, including smell. So if you smell good, you’ll feel good!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sleep Positions

Sleeping positions indicate a person’s character. Even more interestingly, couple’s sleeping positions can reveal a lot about their relationship… their chemistry, domination, etc.

OK, because I have nothing better to blog about, I’m going to share with you some interesting finds.

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His Sleeping Position

Girls! Catch your man in bed. Cos that’s the kind of body language he won’t be able to consciously hide.

He Sleeps On His Side?: A man who assumes this pose is probably mild-mannered and rational. Since this semi fetal sleeper takes up a minimal amount of space, he tends to be a giving lover. Also, he’s way too sensible to play—or stand for—mind games.

He Sleeps Face Down?: Studs who sleep on their stomachs have passion and energy. He’s a hands-on guy who tends to be punctual and successful. One caveat: His propensity to hog the bed space with his sprawling position suggests he might be a tad controlling.

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Your Sleeping Position

What about your own sleeping position you ask? Patience… I hear you, I hear you.
Here’s what I found about General sleeping positions.

The Foetus: Those who curl up in the foetus position are described as tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. They may be shy when they first meet somebody, but soon relax.
This is the most common sleeping position, adopted by 41% of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey. More than twice as many women as men tend to adopt this position.

This is usually how I sleep when I’m on my own. It’s my most comfy position. Can anyone tell me what it means? (pls excuse the crude drawing. I swear, I did my best.)

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Couple Sleeping Position

Spoon: Both you and your partner lie on your sides, facing same direction and touching- The many forms of contact indicate a sense of closeness, security and comforting- like a cocoon.- High on the intimacy scale - and because you’re both in the fetal position of sorts it shows a willingness to expose your vulnerabilities to your other half.- Variations to the traditional spoon include when there is slightly more space between the two of you but you’re still “emotionally” and physically linked by certain body parts like an arm or leg. - The one on the outside is usually the more dominant and sees the other as needing nurturing - but, there’s also analysis that suggests whoever is holding the other the tightest is the less confident of the two.

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I have to say: I understand that some people snore or kick or drool or do other weird things (like sweat a lot) in bed… but I don’t understand why some couples sleep in different beds. Yes, it takes some adjustment sleeping together with someone. But I wouldn’t trade this quiet snuggle time for anything. It’s very reassuring and bonding.

-I am a light sleeper and I keep waking up when he moves or rolls- Costs me 1 minute of sleep time.
-I never know where to put my arms (wonderful appendages they are, but they do get quite awkward when you sleep face to face with someone in bed. I end up lying on my own arm only to have it die on me ten minutes later). So.. Arm cramp- Cost: 3 minutes of sleep time.
-Waking up in the middle of the night to make sure he has enough blanket- Cost: 30 seconds of sleep time and less blanket for myself.
-Getting my hair pulled because it got tangled around him- Cost: some long strands, and a fleeting moment of pain.
-The smell and touch of his skin, gentle nuzzles, the feel of his breath on my cheek, happening to wake up and catch him covering me with more blanket- Priceless.

Monday, April 26, 2010

WIN a Holly Jean Style Make Over!

What is the Holly Jean Style Make Over?
It’s a day when I’ll give you the total Holly Jean Style treatment. We’ll start off with being made up by ettusais (learn which colours and styles suit you), and then dressed by ClubCouture (learn the types of outfits that flatter your figure, plus you get to keep the outfit!!), and to cap it all off, you get to show your new style off by modelling in a photoshoot by Pink Elephant Labs (you’ll get to keep pictures!). Don’t worry if you haven’t modelled before, or have never been professionally made up or dressed… I’ll be there to help you every step of the way!

It’s an experience you won’t forget!

Don’t worry about what shape, size, colour you may be… this make over is to bring out the best in you and make you shine!

So, you have until the 9th of May to sign up. And on the 12th of May, I’ll announce the 3 girls who will get Star treatment inclusive of a make over, ettusais products, ClubCouture outfit and professional photography so you’ll be model for the day have kick ass photos to keep. (Make over date is set for Saturday, 22nd of May, starts early afternoon)

The pictures from the photoshoot will also be displayed on my blog, my NSPortal blog, ettusais website as well as ettusais counters.

To sign up- click here.

Spread the word by Tweeting and/or Facebook wall post “I want a Holly Jean Style Make Over! @hollyjean69 http://holly--jean.blogspot.com/2010/04/make-over.html”

Friday, April 23, 2010

Bad Tempered Girlfriends!

Someone asked me how to find out if a girlfriend/date has a bad temper.

You see, the thing about us women is… we perfume the pig. If we have a bad temper (or anything bad for that matter), we’re not going to show it to you when we are just begining to get acquainted. Sure you can do silly things like- turn up very late for a date, to see if she erupts. But realistically, who in their right mind would test the water like that and seriously risk ruining the relationship because you come across as a loser?

So the sad truth is boys, if she does have a nasty temper, you’re probably not going to find that out until you’re in too deep.  *smirk*

What I can help you out with here though… is How to Deal With Bad Tempered Girlfriends!

A girlfriend’s temper usually indicates that she wants to have control over you and the relationship.

First thing you have to do is set boundaries. A lot of guys are so blinded by new love or lust that they over look the bad things their girlfriends do. They ignore the nasty stuff and focus on the good stuff. But if you let her get her way by throwing a tantrum, then one day, when you suddenly don’t give in, you’re in for a big surprise my friend.

Often the first bad temper tantrum is where the boundaries should be set. Flat out say, “hey, I really like you but this behaviour is unacceptable. I will not tolerate it. I am willing to listen to you but I cannot be with someone who has a bad temper.”

Once a bad tempered person realizes there is a consequence, they tend to curb their behaviour if the relationship means anything to them.

If you are further into a relationship and she’s always been having temper eruptions, then this is a little harder to change because her behaviour was allowed before so why should it stop now? She will think it is OK, because she has done this before and after she cools down, everything will go back to normal.

What you can do in this instance is pack a bag for the night and leave! Go to a friends house for the evening and let her think about her behaviour. Or if you’re out on a date, then end the date. Do not patronize her behaviour. This only gives her the green light to behave like this again and again. If you constantly accept negative behavior there is no incentive for her to change.

Give it a few months and if things still don’t change, then she may not be the one for you. Bad tempers lead to bad arguments. As the arguments continue over time, they get worse. So just save yourself the trouble and back away from this relationship. No man has to put up with this, just like no woman has to put up with a bad temper from a man.

(Alternatively, you could just spend your whole life jumping around like a spider to appease her. Plenty of men do that!)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Fashion Mistakes Men Make

When I thought of doing a post on common Fashion Mistakes men make, I thought maybe I’d have a list of 10. But as I sat down to pen them down, I realised that you men are a helpless lot. I had a tough time limiting it to the top 20 mistakes. There’s just so much to fix about you! 

(But I mean that in a caring, aw-I-want-to-help-you kind of way… and not in a bitchy way)

Stop looking like you’re all over the place, and start looking your best… these most common mistakes are so easily fixed!

Holly Jean’s Top 20 Fashion Mistakes Men Make (way to often!)

1.Too much jewelry or none at all – Men need a couple of watches that will match different outfits, a wedding ring if he’s married and one other optional accessory (bracelet/sunglasses/etc). That is all. Any more than that and you risk looking like Mr T. Pity the fool!

2. Freebie tees - I see so many guys walking around with their free marathon t-shirts or something they got from a product promotion. Try a solid-colored t-shirt instead. You don’t need to use your clothes to tell people your acomplishments in life or what products you use.

3. Comb-overs – Your not fooling anyone by covering up your bald spots. If you are balding, consider shaving it all off.

4.Bulging pockets - Clear out all those old receipts or business cards from your wallet. Get a slimmer wallet or a money clip to save space.

5. Baggy Clothes - I think all married women conspire to make their husbands unattractive to other women out there by buying them ill-fitting clothes. Baggy clothes make a person look sloppy, like they’re wearing hand-me-downs. If your body type makes it hard to find well-fitting off the rack, invest in a few tailored peices.

6. Tucking in T-shirts – Tucking in polo shirts is okay and looks smart but t-shirts should be kept casual. If your t-shirt is too long then it’s probably too big on you (see point above and be suspicious of your wife).

7. Wearing a short sleeve shirt with a tie –If you want to look professional and stylish, stick to long-sleeve shirts. Short sleeve shirts with a tie make you look like you work in a burger joint!

8. Shitty shoes – Keep your shoes clean and in good shape! Place a pair of shoetrees in your shoes when you’re not wearing them to maintain their best form. And do not wear shoes that have begun to come apart. Nothing spoils an outfit like shitty looking shoes.

9. Wrong Belt – If you’re wearing formal shoes, make sure the color of your belt matches the color of your formal shoes. And, if your shoes are shiny, your belt should be shiny as well. If you’re wearing casual shoes or sneakers, make sure you wear a thicker casual belt (no need to colour match) instead of a thin dress belt.

10. Socks and Sandals Combi– Have you seen anyone ever pull this look off? I rest my case.

11. Cartoon Belt Buckles- No grown man should wear cheesy huge superman belt buckles. Not even if you were Superman himself.

12. The Wrong Socks – When wearing a suit, your socks should be long. When you cross your legs, you shouldn’t be showing any part of your legs. It is disgusting to see a man’s hairy leg peeking between the top of his socks and the hem of his trousers when he sits. When dressed casual, wear very short socks that don’t show at all.

13. Backpacks with your Suit - I see a lot of professional people wearing nice suits and carrying ugly camping type backpacks. I understand that a backpack can be more comfortable than holding a briefcase, but you can also get a nice slightly distressed messenger bag to maintain a professional look but keep you hands free and comfortable.

14. Too much Cologne - If you leave the room, and people in the room can still smell you, that’s too much.

15. Too Much Print - Unless you’re still a teenager, stay away from too much graphic print on your t-shirt.

16. Clipping your phone to your belt – The only people that do this are like nerdy engineers and IT guys (I didn’t say ALL, I just said nerdy ones). So very unattractive… borderline repulsive even.

17. Bluetooth headset as a fashion accessory - not cool. not cool at all. wanker.

18. Facial Hair– Maintaining your facial hair is important if you want to look sharp. If you cannot grow and maintain a nice stuble… then just keep it clean and hairless. Oh.. and there should absolutely be no hair underneath your chin on your neck area. If you have a unibrow, pluck it. And trim your god damn nose hair!

19. Too Much Hair Stuff - Do you have hair like a Ken Doll? Use a smaller amount of spray/gel/wax than you think you need.

20. Ugly Underwear - Ok, so no one really sees it. But the right underwear can make you and your package look great at that right moment. So no ratty old grey undies ok, and if you’re a straight men, none of that G-string or Tanga types either. I prefer boxer briefs on a man.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Things All Men Should Know About Women

Ok listen up boys, this one if for you.

Women are wired differently from men. There are certain simple things in life you can do to really float our boat… and yet some of the most insignificant actions (in your mind) would sink it.

1. When we tell you our problems, we do not expect you to fix them. We just want you to listen.

2. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something you wouldn’t want us to catch you doing.

3. When ask questions we already know the answers to. It’s not to trap you; it’s to give you a chance to come clean.

4. We don’t like hairy backs. Shave it, wax it, whatever… but don’t shave your chest… or legs.

5. Even nice girls like suggestive things whispered to them in public.

6. Don’t talk about the porn you watch.

7. We find you sexy when you’re driving, fixing things, working out, playing an instrument (well), and concentrating on a task.

8. We aren’t as obsessed with your size as you are.

9. Women can take care of themselves, but it’s sweet when you’re protective over us. Small things like calling to make sure we made it home safely goes a long way. (That’s also why we pretend we can’t open the jar, so you can demonstrate how you are able to take care of us.)

10. If you cant handle us at our worst then you dont deserve us at our best.

Girls… what do you think? Is it true?

Monday, April 12, 2010

What Type Of Woman Are You?

In the same way that men are either breast-men, leg-men, ass-men, or I’ll-take-what-I-can-get-men, women are divided into shoe women, bath products women, or nice underwear women. I’m a shoe woman… or an Imelda.

An Imelda would buy shoes that are not of the right size simply because they like them. Too big? Hey! That’s why god invented insoles. Too tight? Well, what’s a little bit of pain…

How to know if you’re an Imelda:

If you’ve bought shoes and never worn them because you didnt want to dirty them.
If you structure your day around the shoes you want to wear!
If you would rather lie and say you have athelete’s foot than lend your shoes to someone.
If you’ve ever sustained an injury from wearing a pair of shoes… and didn’t mind.
If you’ve ever slept in a pair (and not because you were so drunk that you could not take them off).
You frequently take your shoes out of their boxes, put them on just to look at them and feel happy.

I am definitely NOT an Evelyn. I call women who indulge in bath products and scents Evelyns. Yes, I can’t think of any other name for them except from Crabtree & Evelyn because I don’t know much about bath products.

Once, many years ago… i dated this German. Names shall not be mentioned. But when he got back from a business trip, and missed my Birthday in the process, he bought me stuff from LUSH. soap is soap. Giving me soap and bubbles is equivalent to giving me a plastic photo frame really. I don’t care for it. AND to make matters worse… I peeked in his luggage… and there was an identical LUSH box.. when I questioned him about it, he said it was for his secretary! A thank you Gift. Yeah… that went down well with me, made me feel REALLY special. hmph.

This is off topic but I just HAVE to mention it. When I left his house, he didn’t bother driving me home ( what’s the use of having all those cars in the driveway huh?), he didn’t even bother walking me to a taxi (let alone pay for it)… he stood at the doorway, said byebye, and puckered up! expecting me to kiss him goodbye. I felt like throwing my boots in his face. I should have.

Before you form the opinion that all Germans are tight and stingy, like I did then… let me tell you that I met another German shortly after who was anything but tight. (will probably blog about him someday). Sorry,I digress....

OK ... lastly, the Victorias. Women who love having nice underwear. The right underwear can make a woman feel sexy or happy, et cetera. In this day and age… I don’t think anyone in my generation or after, has any excuse to wear ugly underwear. What.. with all the lycra lace, G-strings, push ups, satin, silk, skin cool effects, the list goes on… But Victorias have an obsession. They’re the kind who only wear matching sets.. who hand wash their lingerie and treat them delicately. I don’t have the gene for good laundry skills (no patience). I say.. if you can’t afford to throw it in the machine and risk having it come out wonky… then don’t buy it. simple.

Which are you?

Friday, April 09, 2010

Girls, You Do The Talking!

Holly Jean’s Top 5 Pick Up Lines
(To be used on men)

5. “You Look Like A Real Challenge”

Most guys like to feel like a bad boy, not a wussy push over. So this line will stroke their egos.

4. “How much does a polar bear weigh?” *wait for his response* Then you say “Enough to break the ice. Now can i have your number?”

Great for girls who can pull off a silly joke and look as cute as ever. And this will actually really break the ice too.

3. “I want to tell you your fortune.” Then you take his hand and ponder for a loooong while without saying anything, then write your phone number on it and walk away.

2. If you’re too slow and he makes the first move, in the middle of his pick up line ( prob about the weather or something boring like that… men!!) you just say - “Do I have to Kiss you to make you shut up?”

1. This one cracks me up, but only to be used when you’re pretty sure that’s he’s the kind of guy with a sense of humour… “ Want to see me smile like a doughnut?”

Please don’t actually make that impression while you pull this line on him, it’s realistically unflattering for the face… but it will set him thinking and also show your sense of humour and playful side)
-------------------------------------------------

What other lines have you come across??? Pray, do tell.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Things you should never say to your Boss

We’ve all heard about people who have gotten into trouble when talking about their bosses on Facebook or their blogs (so stupid!).

But no matter how great your boss is or how close both of you are, there are some things you just shouldn’t say to the boss. Here’re my favourite 10:

10. I understand your point, but you’re still full of it.

9. I can’t do that right now, I’m busy on Facebook.

8. I’m not late. This is the time I wanted to be here.

7. Isn’t that something you should have done?

6. Whatever look you were going for, you missed.

5. Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it?

4. I thought I wanted a career, but it turns out I just want a salary.

3. Do I look like a people person?

2. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

1. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What are some of the things you want to say to your boss but shouldn’t?? (oh.. please don’t use your real name… just in case!)

Thursday, April 01, 2010

Nice guys, Don’t Let Jerks Get All The Nice Girls

I actually wanted to share with you the best pick up lines for women to use (because last week I gave you the best and worst pick up lines that Men use)… but maybe I’ll share that next week instead.

But today I want to talk about why Nice guys never seem to get the Nice girls!

Let’s face it… no woman really wants to be with a Jerk.

But in my past… I’ve been with a few of them (Willingly!). And I still see women around me with Jerk Husbands, Jerk BFs and Jerk dates. [Note to women: Give it up. No matter how much you feel that YOU are the one to finally change him… you’re not… not permanently anyway. You can’t fight Mother Nature (yes, that’s the same b***h which gave us the wonderful gift of passing melon-headed human beings from between our legs)].

Girls, have you ever in your life just questioned… where have all the nice guys gone? I know I have… usually after bad dates with - MR Jerk who makes sleazy moves, or MR Jerk who doesn’t call back the next day, Or MR Jerk who can’t get it up and acts like it’s your fault, or MR Jerk who leaves you to foot the bill again, or MR Jerk who actually has a girlfriend (or two!), or MR Jerk who is married with children, or MR Jerk with the roving eye… and the list goes on. You get the picture.

Let me share with you my mantra:
Everyone is worthy of commitment and happiness. Get out of a relationship which cannot make you happy. Guard all that you hold special and dear in you life, but never stoop to conquer.

Nice Guys. Help us out here! There are so many women out there worthy of you. You need to stop gravitating toward the female equivalents of MR Jerk… let’s call them .. yes, because I lack imagination… simply Jerkettes.

You need to:

1. avoid women who only use you for shopping sprees, lobster dinners and exotic vacations

2. stop attracting “gold diggers” or the feeling of paying for a girlfriend’s attention, love and affection.
listen to your head (above your shoulders) and steer clear of women who give you the best sex of your life, but… when the money runs out, so will she… towards the guy with more money or more fun.

3. once you find the right one, who actually fell for you and all your nice guy traits ... don’t become arrogant, or suddenly lose that humility she found refreshing in a man. Don’t start thinking that the grass might be greener on the other side ( It ALWAYS will be, no matter what side you’re on. So grow up).

4. Don’t start second guessing yourself and think you might be missing out cos all the Jerks are out there still playing the field (most of them will still be, even when they’re 50...until they are no longer desireable to Jerkettes or any women for that matter)

5. Make your girl feel appreciated so the Jerks are not appealing at all

If you can’t do all that then at least just stop acting like a dork around the Non-Jerkette women you’re attracted to.